Currylingus

Love, We Must Part Now

2009-11-14T12:20:00.003-05:00

Love, we must part now: do not let it be
Calamitious and bitter. In the past
There has been too much moonlight and self-pity:
Let us have done with it: for now at last
Never has sun more boldly paced the sky,
Never were hearts more eager to be free,
To kick down worlds, lash forests; you and I
No longer hold them; we are husks, that see
The grain going forward to a different use.

There is regret. Always, there is regret.
But it is better that our lives unloose,
As two tall ships, wind-mastered, wet with light,
Break from an estuary with their courses set,
And waving part, and waving drop from sight.

- Philip Larkin

Godspeed

2009-07-12T13:16:00.011-04:00

This past Friday, my parents moved from here:

To here:

They took with them thirty years of their own memories, packed tightly alongside my sense of a place called home.

Porbandar simultaneously devastates and grounds me. It's just that kind of town. I'm hella excited to get reaquainted.

Dubai, well, Dubai is nothing to me without the friends it now holds ransom from me. In the late, great Dorothy Parker's words:

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday,
Go take your damned tomorrow!

And so we part. So long, sandlands...

Come play

2009-05-22T11:19:00.003-04:00

My friend G ji and I are throwing a do to introduce Toronto to Chiraag's Pardon My Hindi magic. Koushik of Stones Throw is spinning. Oh. Yeah.

In Loving Memory: Hiralaxmi Thanki, 1933-2007

2008-01-02T17:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Ba,

It was only a few days ago that you were telling Bhairavi and I the story of how you got your tattoos. For as long as I can remember, whenever I picture you in my mind, I always picture the seven dots on the back of your hand as well. I regret that it took me so long to ask you how those little dots came to be. I used to think that they served some vague religious purpose because I had seen the same designs on so many women in Porbandar. To my surprise, you contradicted that idea by telling us that you got your tattoos because it was the cool thing to do when you were a little girl. You told us how you used twigs, dye, and some strange plant powder to give yourself the tattoos. I remember being shocked and thinking that that was just about the coolest thing I had ever heard! You laughed when I told you this.

You laughed, as always, without judgment and with a soft abandon that made me feel as if all was right with the world. From my birth onwards, this was the effect you had on me. You could calm me when others could not. You told me that when I was a child, all you had to do was run your index finger from my forehead to the tip of my nose and I would stop crying. You were too sweet to say this but I was a horribly stubborn child, and the fact that you could calm me with such a small movement speaks to your wisdom and to the trust you inspired in all of us.

Whenever I saw you playing with Darsh, and then Aryan, I was reminded of my own childhood and of Bhairavi's childhood. The simple purity of your actions made me grateful that we have been lucky enough to have someone like you in our lives. I regret that I was never able to tell you how much I appreciated your tel maalish, your cooking, your hand's grip on mine when crossing Bombay gullys on those long ago summer vacations. In recent years, I regret that I wasn't able to see you more often. I hope that when you heard my distant voice over the phone you felt as loved as I did. I wish I could have made your winters warmer, your pain disappear, and the doctors unnecessary. The last few days that Bhairavi and I spent chatting with you will forever remain fresh in my memory.

Through you, I was better able to understand myself. Through you, I was better able to understand my family. Through you, I was able to see the world in the light of unconditional love.

I love you, Ba, you live on within us. May your soul be blessed and kept safe.

Mister Lonely

2007-12-05T10:29:00.000-05:00

There exist, on this wondrous dynamo of a planet, elitist thugs in every cranny. I am such a thug because many of my tastes have been lovingly culled from obscurity. I am also elitist because I value - actually, I'm downright proud of - my attraction to the...ahem...common circus (cheap ANTM thrills and The Hills). Having had the absolute pleasure of spending oodles of time with the quality-snob type of thug (cough), I have become quite protective of my trashy sensibilities. They really do complete me.

Circus is a good word to describe the lunacy I controversially partake in on a regular basis. Thank-you, Tyra Banks, for...EVERYTHING, and then some. I do believe that the unabashed pleasure I am comfortable in receiving from obviously rubbish programming, invaluably informs my ability to enjoy other types of absurdity. Specifically, the type that is critically discussed and is hence qualified as Good Taste.

The prettiest boy in the whole wide world, Diego Luna, plays a Michael Jackson impersonator who meets Samantha Morton's Monroe personified at a retirement home gig. He is convinced to fly away with her to the Scottish isles where her husband's hokey crew of impersonators is building their own Galt's Gulch. Like stereotyped Somewhere Born Confused Somethings, the impersonators seem to hold steadfastly to their alter-egos and gulching ambitions until real life begins to spider its way to uncomfortable proximity.

Oh yeah, Werner Herzog appears in priestly garb surrounded by nuns from Panama who deliver food aid by plane. He sometimes throws them out of said plane. Clearly, these occurrences form the best parts. CLEARLY.

Mine eyes were glued to the screen like mine mouth to strawberry Kit Kats. This is a departure from my viewing of Korine's previous effort, 'Gummo', which I liked but will never be able to watch without turning away at some parts. Bad boy is all growed up and spending time on creating wildly entertaining yet disjointed images. Even more disjointed is the nature of what Korine is trying to say. Identity and faith and community and iconography. Gratefully, the narration steers clear of the preachy path. In fact, it tends to get scandalously flippant.

From the precious opening sequence of a masked MJ riding a mini-bike with Bobby Vinton crooning in the background to SKYDIVING NUNS. This film is an exercise in quality absurdity. I would watch it again and some bits, yet again. Sometimes, shit doesn't have to be deep or mature or intellectually accessible to only the top 97th percentile to be good. Imagination is a funny thing. It equals the playing field for me. Watching blue habited nuns jump out of planes on BMXs becomes just as rewarding as watching Tyra's starving slave hopefuls posing in stilettos while climbing a rock wall.

Below is a clip of one of my favourite scenes, MJ doing his thing:

Fixating

2007-11-15T23:15:00.000-05:00

I am weak in the face of such hotness.

Margot at the Wedding

2007-09-11T17:18:00.000-04:00

As if I needed reminding about the nature of my misanthropic, corroded, husk of a soul.

Hai Bhagwaan, I hate everyone in this movie. Margot, the didactic bish; her son Claude, an amazing piece of Styrofoam, formed of freak amino acids; his estranged aunt Pauline, in all her moody and gutless splendour; and, her fiancé Malcolm, the resident buffoon. Any remaining characters don’t really matter, and serve only to further my disdain for all humanity as seen through Baumbach’s eyes.

Taking on unsavoury pasts and bitter sisters, the plot turns predictable but its specifics are humorous. In a particularly catchy first half, the two sisters are seen openly melting into cesspools of passive-aggression through varying stages of sobriety, aided wonderfully by the extended clan. Hooray for neuroses. I was never one to resist the charms of catty wenches.

Done-to-death family dysfunction works in this flick for two reasons: Acting and style. The casting is divine. Nicole Kidman is perfectly believable as a self-absorbed asshole. Jennifer Jason-Leigh can never harm, in my opinion. Jack Black, is, well, funny. Also, John Turturro needs to be in every film that is ever made. These players are complemented by wicked harsh shot-cuts. Chopping into the middle of dramatic crescendos, handheld shaking, dark autumn colours that made me shiver with thoughts of East-coast wind. All of this created a mighty tempo to push along a script that is happy to meander, albeit in interesting ways.

I was disappointed with the ending. It was probably trying to make some sort of mysterious, open-ended statement, about happiness or such, but I got none of that. It was left incomplete. I feel this way because the first half left me longing for more evil dialogue, more funnies, and more absurdity. As the film slipped into convention, I fell out of blind love and into affectionate “meh” territory. I mean that as a glitterati “meh”, which is to say that I quite enjoyed my viewing experience but have my head stuck too far up my own arse to make more of an effort with my adjectives.

Sad Vacation

2007-09-10T22:17:00.000-04:00

Blah, blah, Kenji lives an orphan's life. Performs odd jobs. Manages to saddle himself with his dead friend's delusional sister and a Chinese stowaway child. Finds the mother who abandoned him at an early age, and her new family, by chance. Mum is bat-shit loco. He struggles with vengeance issues.

I only started tuning into the plot about forty-five minutes in. And, really? With characters like these, fuck a plot. Also, this is the first Japanese movie I've seen in a cinema hall in many years, so I'm completely biased.

The first of two Japanese films on my ballot, Sad Vacation made me want to laugh and kill. But not at the same time. First, I wanted some blood. Not because of uncontrollable rage but due to insensitive annoyance on my part (Kenji's mother's neck needed a good wringing). Then, right after the kill, before the blood splatters turned cold, I wanted to laugh. Not due to dissociative identity disorder but because bubbles make me giggle. How else would plot resolution be possible in contemporary Japanese cinema if it wasn't for bubbles?

So, like, such as that, was, like, essentially, a good review.

And another thing. Meet my/your new favourite Japanese import: Tadanobu Asano. He has played "Kenji" in every one of the five flicks I've seen him in, but he's good at that sort of humorous brooding. Get thee to a Survive Style 5+ viewing, stat.

All in a T.I.F.F.y

2007-09-09T10:09:00.000-04:00

The Toronto International Film Festival is here. Five days. Five films. All is full of nub.

Let the nerdery begin.

"In love, as in gluttony, pleasure is a matter of the utmost precision"

2007-06-14T15:26:00.000-04:00

One month and four years ago, I embarked on post-University life with only one mission in mind: To bake a cake. My epicurean activator and muse extraordinaire, Baneeya, had taken to seducing my oven-phobic Indian kundi with sugary dreams. My sweet tooth ached with longing, and whiffs of freshly-baked moistness, simply slathered in cream, haunted my every waking move. After tearing my diploma out of some dude's grip and shaking Ian Handsome-man-singh's hand for a second too long, I got the hell out of Dodge and rode into Baneeya's city with my life's belongings and a one-way ticket to the Middle East.

What followed was a blissed out week of friends, goodbyes, trivial pursuit marathons, drunken arm-wrestling, and eating cake for dinner. While playing sous to her chef, Baneeya guided me through the various intricacies of baking a perfect triple-layered carrot/maple/ginger concoction. Something like this. Evidently, I'm still talking about that cake.

My culinary skills have improved since then. I now fall closer to the "knows what she's doing" marker, as opposed to "fumbling". But I am nowhere near chef status. And I need another lesson in baking. Slippery slope, that. I can't bake on the regular lest I give myself and my loved ones coronary disease. A special occasion is needed.

Baneeya says:

I'm hoping to take a train to T.O. on Thurs. Aug. 16th.

Actually, I just realized that what we should do is make another cake!! We'll make a feast!

I recently created a peach-avocado-serrano chili salsa to eat with grilled chicken, fish, or just nay-chose. Delicious. Also, I made strawberry icecream yesterday...

Good lord. Like being taken to church by a sinner.

"Universe, you've done it again!"

2007-05-15T13:59:00.000-04:00

The hardest lesson I've ever had to learn involved opening my gob and asking for input. Instead of, you know, pummelling head-first and solitary into big, bad life. Now, I ask all the time. Better watch out with your emails, 'cause I'll ask. I'll ask you, your moms, your pet, your man, no one's sacred. This is not to say that I'm brave. I'm scared witless to ask questions directly relating to my personal future/state-of-mind/happiness. Nevertheless, when I ask such questions, even flippantly or in jest, I get some kickass answers. Perhaps not answers to solve my every dilemma but answers that will make them appear that much less daunting.

If you, like me, feel yourself adrift in a sea of maddening options then read some comfort in the below expression of solidarity:

I hear the 20's crisis, I still can't believe that I'm not a cowboy or a movie star or something like that. Instead, I am living in the enemy's country and working as a social worker, getting my ass kicked by little kids.

Also looking for a way to make money and travel. The problem with that seems to be that they are contradictory life items. I think the trick is to work and THEN travel, but its hard to do on a regular job. I'm not in the place right now when I can go quitting jobs for 3-4 months and then going back to work. That's just no way to get a stable career.

Part of me wants to travel to Peru and live in the forest and kill tigers, while the other part of me wants to buy a house.

Jesus, the nomadic people had it right. Let's liquidate all of our assets and move to Mongolia, live in yurts and use horse shit as fuel.

On the bright side, I am buying a hybrid car in a few weeks, so I am becoming slightly green which somehow seemed like an important decision when I was more socially conscious....I think I remember what being a Canadian is like.

Sorry for the disjointed message, I was up late last night snorting coke out of some dude's prostate.

Thanks, Shaggy, here's to the great wide open exciting piece of shit 21st century...

On a related note, if I end up in Ontario post-retirement then I need to build a yurt in cottage country. That much is certain. If anyone knows the pre-retirement "how to" then, yes, I am open to suggestions.

Prolix

2007-04-24T13:00:00.000-04:00

-:- Salubrious -:-

In healthy aches we trust. Bodystep Mondays.

-:- Mellifluous -:-

I was going to go with 'prurient' but I feel like playing nice for a change.

-:- Resplendent -:-

Summertime above St. Patrick Street; Food, drink, and hot concrete.

-:- Plangent -:-

Panda Bear + The Besnard Lakes

Kings of Leon + Grizzly Bear

-:- Vocabularious -:-

World Wide Words: Higgler extraordinaire.

Pissy Peripherals

2007-04-15T19:26:00.000-04:00

I just got fucked. No really, my new external hard drive is malfunctioning and my heart is broken. Not a huge deal in the scheme of things but fuck off, I was going to back my life up today.

...And then this dearly enraged voice (not in my head, thanks) asked me to stop messing about. So, instead of throwing this sumanabitch against the wall I'm going to practice my karaoke, and dance like LV does at about 2:30 into the following:

Repeat x 10.

Ain't Nothing but a Hr0ndog

2007-04-11T14:52:00.000-04:00

A technophobe mostly talks to you in person, but a geek is happy to be with you by texting your phone, flirting with you in a chat room, Skyping you, Twittering just in case you're on your vibrating couch (NSFW), sending funny cell-phone snapshots to your e-mail, playing online games, commenting on your blog, Digging articles that interest you, seducing you by instant message...[Link]

Regina Lynn is my hero. If you have been ensconed within a cocoon for the last three years, then take this link to her Wired column archives, and abuse it nicely.

The Rhythm Method

2006-12-16T03:33:00.000-05:00

A tip of the hat to Besque.

Dancing Dora the Explorer? Yeah, cute with that something phenomenal is the order of the day.

*scuttles off to practice*

In which I walk around with a hand over my crotch (Updated!)

2006-12-15T13:41:00.000-05:00

Neha says:
want to hear something horrible?

Youngflizz says:
shoot

Neha says:
two hours ago, i unzippered the fly on my 4 yr old jeans and now it won't come back up, i've tried everything

Neha says:
and i'm at work

Youngflizz says:
bahahaha

Youngflizz says:
bahahaha

Youngflizz says:
yeah

Neha says:
hiding behind desks and binders like a 12 yr old boy with a hard on

Youngflizz says:
that does suck

Youngflizz says:
hahahaha

Youngflizz says:
safety pins are your answer

Youngflizz says:
that or your jacket or a sweater tied around your waste, just so

Neha says:
i'm not wearing a sweater. i tried my wool jacket and just looked like a dumbass

Youngflizz says:
you'll note that, exercising gentlemanly discretion and sensitivity, i did not ask why your zipper was down.

Neha says:
in fact, your discretion is so gentlemanly that you've just indirectly asked me that very question

Youngflizz says:
bahahaha

Youngflizz says:
not asking

Youngflizz says:
i'm sure

Youngflizz says:
it was something innocent

Youngflizz says:
the using of the bathroom

Youngflizz says:
for example

Youngflizz says:
and that is fine

Youngflizz says:
NOT ASKING NOT ASKING

Neha says:
what can i say, i volunteered for fem testing an alien prototype

Neha says:
ahahaha

Youngflizz says:
hahahaha

Neha says:
yes, the bathroom, and then i spent like 20 min in the stall with my pants off trying to make shit work

Neha says:
and my colleague was like "umm, neha, what're you doing?" and there were exasperated grunts escaping my mouth and it was all just really awful

Youngflizz says:
hahahaha

Youngflizz says:
that does suck

Youngflizz says:
safety pins?

Neha says:
got none, i've asked around

Youngflizz says:
yo, that sucks

Youngflizz says:
BIG TIME

Neha says:
if i stand completely straight it's ok

Youngflizz says:
just don't move

+++

Who's a classy broad now? Can't wait for the metro ride home. Stupid short jacket. Note to self: Wear more skirts.

+++

Pum-paa-paaaa...there was a tooth, it had bent upwards. A snaggletooth, if you will. So I held it between a pair of large scissors and poked at it with a thumbtack till it came out. Now, easy up and down no problem. Snaggle Attack™, coming soon to an infomercial near you!

Michel Gondry: Skills Galore

2006-12-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm not really into feet but I sure love smart people. And this is some crazy shit, courtesy of Michel Gondry:

Love Mix '06

2006-12-06T16:19:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I go to Texas for a long weekend, for a session with my sisters (Nova Kitty and Chums). I'm expecting hugs and kisses and soul-warming goodness. In light of this fantastic occasion I wanted to make a mix. And a mix is indeed what I started to make.

It began with an idea of cyborg love. I'm big on that idea as of late. Serious, Computer Love, vocoders, and trying to find God between mechanically timed notes. Utopia, indeed. So then I found that most of the tune selection included sessy female vocals. Maybe cyborg love needed to be more specific, female cyborgs with inexpressive voices pretending to feel love. Tried that for a bit then started listening to some dudes with soothing voices and got a bit hot and bothered to tell you the truth. At this point I decided that a MISHMASH was the best way to go. And it will make you want to sex, dance and cry at the same time. Now that's healthy!

Mix, lovers?

xox06 - Best heard while taking a bubble bath. Scroll to mid-page to find the link in teeny font. Drop me an email if you can't open it for some shitty reason.

Tracklist, my sweets?

1. Lindstrom - Music In My Mind
2. The Sisters Love - Give Me Your Love
3. Cassie - Miss Your Touch
4. Uffie - Pop the Glock
5. Ciara - Promise (Siik remix)
6. INOJ- Love You Down
7. DJ Rupture feat. Sister Nancy - A Little More Oil
8. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
9. Mary J Blige - You Are My Everything
10. Robin Thicke - Got 2 Be Down
11. Slum Village feat. D'Angelo - Tell Me
12. Vikter Duplaix - Nothing Like Your Touch
13. Sylvester - I Need Somebody to Love Tonight
14. Sade - Cherry Pie
15. Miss Kitten - Dub About Me
16. Ada - Cool My Fire

Please listen in order. No, really, I mean it. It isn't really a mix, no mixing happens, it's a "mix tape", treat it as such.

Enjoy. Pray that I return safe with at least a dozen items covered in the confederate flag. Also, pray that I don't get stopped at customs and probed in awful ways. USA!USA!USA!

New, in Haiku

2006-11-28T19:40:00.001-05:00

Shiny new templete
Please help my archive drop-down
Die H T M Hell

Feel Real

2006-11-19T16:38:00.000-05:00

No place to be ending but somewhere to start

The longer I stay away the harder it becomes to find my way back here to this space. I'll just jump right in then, ignoring my necessary guilt for depriving myself of doing something I love.

Am I healthy? Yes. I've been gymming at least three days a week: treadmill, bike, stairs, weights, dance. Am I OK? A few days ago I thought maybe, later I thought maybe not. Regardless, I have finally allowed myself to realize that shit's going to be OK even if it's not. And that feels just fine.

Every note, comment, email, hug, thought, wish and word of advice has made feel invincible. Thank you. You make me feel...Mighty Real (download and turn it way UP).

I'm raising my bottle of Perrier to your health and happiness. To my future plans and new friends. To blogging like a motherfucking maniac on the floor.

And if all else fails, I have a Plan B. I'm going to become a Qawwali clapper:

Ruminating

2006-10-14T20:11:00.001-04:00

I was feeling sad. My parents just visited me, see. You already knew that. It had been a year since I had seen them, last year it had been two. Welcome to the life of a 1st generation NRI has been. If home was a hero he'd be making filmi pulling motions with my arm. Me, I'd be getting all fake-oo mad. Singing some sainya mori bainya shit.

I wrote the above a few weeks ago. But other pressing matters are now informing my fingers. In these five years past...

...I wish I had cultivated more meaningful relantionships rather than aquaintanceships

...I wish I had spent more time in the world, outside of my personal sphere of existance

...I wish I hadn't given so much thought to things that made my nights unbearable

...I wish I wasn't wishing that I had fucked around

...I wish I had done an NGO internship instead of moving to Toronto

...I wish we had remained strangers

...Most of all, I wish there was something I could have done so that this bitter post need never have been written

Now I shall take your leave and continue pouring my eyes out over some Rumi.

I said, Thou art harsh, like such a one.'
'Know,' he replied,
'That I am harsh for good, not from rancor and spite.
Whoever enters saying, "This I," I smite him on the brow;
For this is the shrine of Love, o fool! it is not a sheep cote!
Rub thine eyes, and behold the image of the heart.'

What It Is

2006-09-11T19:31:00.000-04:00

In a city continually propelling itself to the other end of the spectrum, all I see is days of old, baby. It could be that this is the first time in 14 years that I'm here together with my parents. Over 16 years ago I stepped off a plane and into almost instantaneous adulthood. My parents, into recession. I finally got the chance to be a younger sibling here. It has its ups and downs ;-) This town ain't the same without my brothers from another mother here to hang out with.

During my last visit 7 years ago, I was an exuberant freshman with two braids, a penchant for fitty cent navel tattoos and a superhuman zest for all things social. The latter being the only remanent. Thanggod! Those two weeks were some enchanted, by. They bore fruit in the form of a most unlikely friendship, the feel of which I had never experienced before nor in the ever after.

This morning at 6 we spoke again for the first time in 3 years. While talking politics and whatnot as the sun came up, I felt at home, happy. My nostalgia vanished as we inadvertently recreated many a scene from our past. Whispers, giggles, and ragging on each others voting choices. Furthering communication between the granolus stinkamus and cowboyus triggerhappius kinds. We are an anomaly.

This afternoon my friend moved to Baghdad.

Due to pesky circumstance we never got to say goodbye - or hello for that matter - in person. I'm not much of a believer in divine guardians but I do believe in the principle of Pratītyasamutpāda. And I hope that his actions may lead him to an end of his choosing. And that they may safely carry him back home.

Calgary would mean nothing to me without its ability to put me in touch with awesome human beings.

I couldn't meet dear Bird this afternoon due to the fact that I live on the edge of the world and the transit system is shitty. I did have a good chat with her before she left for the wilderness of Fort Mac. Christmas time she is mine.

Tomorrow I shall meet the onliest blogger on the menu for this trip...*drum roll*...Badmash!

The Mothership Arrives

2006-09-04T19:20:00.000-04:00

My bluds have landed. How mummy-daddy and Bairoo made it through customs with so much food I will never know. Thank you Canada for not checking their bags. I am in chevdo heaven. If you are ever in Harrow, Middlesex make a stop at Pradip Sweets and eat everything in sight. It's my fai's (father's sister) shoppe, their chocolate barfi is to die for.

Ah yes, the fam, they are here. Finally. I haven't seen them in over a year but this reunion is bittersweet. While I will now have Bairoo back in my life to hug and bug my parents will return to an empty house. I'm worried that they're going to be lonely. I'm scared that this will make me want to move back :-)

SWEET BABY JESUS, NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SPEND MONEY ON MOVABLE TYPE

2006-08-15T14:59:00.000-04:00

Blogger gets blizanged in beta.

Dynamic serving, controlled access, MOTHERFUCKING LABELS Y'ALL, more site feed options, drag & drop layout changes (no more html/css!) spell check using Gmail format, and more.

Take the tour or start a new blog in beta to check stuff out. Dynamic pages make a huge difference to the overall experience. Especially with layout edits, which appear automatically as if by magic. Magic, I say!

I lowe you Google.

Seat Sale!

2006-08-13T16:12:00.000-04:00

Sat, 09 Sep 06 Flight 14:15 Depart Toronto, ON (YYZ)16:26 Arrive Calgary, AB (YYC)

Sat, 16 Sep 06 Flight WS 672 17:05 Depart Calgary, AB (YYC)22:46 Arrive Toronto, ON (YYZ)

Off to Calgary on 9/9, yeehaw dingly dangly rootin' tootin' honky tonky Calgary. Go see my grandpappy and grandmammy and uncle/aunty/cousin and YOU. That's right, alla you. Y'all are reading this and you are about to email me to tell that "Yes!" you are indeed going to be in cowtown between those dates and "Why, yes!" you would love to show me around your sessy town.

One more YOU, you who I haven't talked to in years and whose January email I haven't replied to because I'm feeling akward and who I would love to see again, you need to send me another email and take a day off because I'm coming to ruin your city.

True Say

2006-08-13T15:09:00.000-04:00

It seems we can only look at the Middle East and its inhabitants (the Israelis excepted) through one of two lenses: Either we completely ignore the cultural, economic and political differences (including the hugely unequal power relationship between the global hegemon and a collection of fragmented, post-colonial nation states) or we retreat into Orientalist cliches about the inscrutible Arab and/or Islamic soul.

The first view is essentially that of the Marine colonel in Full Metal Jacket who declares confidently that inside every Vietnamese (he used a different word) there is an American, trying to get out. This is also the Cheney administration's official view, expressed every time Shrub reads one of his canned lines about the universal appeal of democracy and freedom -- freedom, of course, being most emphatically not defined as freedom from foreign occupation or economic globalization or the onslaught of a Western-dominated media culture unconsciously bent on conquering the world.

Billmon

What?

2006-08-12T17:53:00.000-04:00

Testing with Flock. So fresh and so clean. Post window kicks Blogger's ass...which isn't difficult but is still worthy of mention. Flickr pics availiable in a tap. Select text, right click and post away. Yeah, I like it a lot. Hope this shit works. Publish...

Indian Electronica Festival

2006-07-23T02:15:00.000-04:00

It was a killer time. I wish I was going to the London installment.

All thanks to Q, who was looking FAB-U-LOUS. Good lord that man looks good in neon:

Got to chat with Anar Ali again and tell her about how her book brought back so many memories of early 90s hardship in Alberta. My parents would probably weep openly if they read it. This is she (on right) and lovely Mme B on left:

Monika did her thang, that kathak swang. Check out the fierce lighting she's shooting from her hands:

Omnesia with Dice n' Dhol:

Gushed in person to Rashmi Varma. Lady was rocking an awesome cockroach necklace and I fell madly in lowe:

And the best picture of the night with Neb and wicked-girl-whose-name-I-can't-remember-and-I-blame-it-on-the-drink. BBD stance:

Flickr set here. Guess what? It's 2:41 AM, I'm back after drinking two sensational goblets of white wine sangria with my good friend Constantine. It is time for bed. Time to relax before I step back into another hellish week. Starting the 27th I am on motherfucking vacation y'all! I haven't taken once since June last year. We're going up to a cottage on a lake and drinking and eating and playing water sports for a whole week. I have been paying pre-penance for this bit of fun for the past two weeks at work. But it will all be worth it once I'm drunk and splashing around in lake water. Take THAT Mr. Man. Sucka.

About Time

2006-07-12T21:31:00.000-04:00

As you may know I have taken Sepia Mutiny up on their offer of becoming a permanent blogger. Thus far I have been treading gently (again), such is the ninja way.

I've been taking great pleasure in reading every comment that passes submit. If this was an addiction before then let's just say the periodic doses have turned into a full on IV.

Yesterday morning, as I prepared my drip with my morning cuppa chai, I was met with news of the Mumbai bombings. My right hand began an sms to my parents, my mind hoping furiously that my family and friends, that everyone was safe. But hundreds were far from it.

As realization sunk in, and with it despair, I began reading the comments in search of reaction other than my own. Anna's updates were wicked and folks went all out to leave emergency information, their own stories from the ground, and their prayers. Certain fucktards tried hard to promote their rubbish agendas and at one point I could barely bring myself to read. But. At the end of the day. I know that if it hadn't been for SM I could've ended yesterday feeling very alone. It is a privilage indeed...

I hope you and yours are safe and well.

Currylingus is back in bidness.

Excited is an Understatement

2006-04-24T10:07:00.001-04:00

Since 04 I've been madly obsessing over certain individuals and their collective output. Rajbo sometimes gets worried, "Um, Neha, I would really appreciate it if you could stop gently stroking the monitor when you're reading Sepia Mutiny". I am delighted to have been given this opportunity to deal with my obsession in a suitable manner by immersing myself in the SM bunker for a period of weeks. I will be writing like a mad woman, playing with the research monkeys, and doing my overlords' bidding every chance I get. Needless to say, this space will be a little more lacking than usual in the coming days so if you want to read my spew then head on over to the Big Dawg itself! Time to go, the monkeys here are damn strict with personal internet time...

Sinful Food & Thorny Crowns

2006-04-23T17:21:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, when Hasit was down from Ottawa, I finally got the chance to try the used-to-be-new tapas place in Kensington Market called 'Torito'. Verdict? Five sangria drunks out of five! Though I am an eggitarian, occasionally fishitarian, the meat and fish-filled menu was an interesting sight. It was divided into cold and hot tapas, most of the vegetarian stuff being on the cold side.

The sangria was refreshing and tasty, a massive jug for $34. I inhaled: bread, olives, cheese, green beans with marinated mushrooms and pickled onions, arugula salad with machengo cheese and almonds, crab croquettes with parsley aioli, spicy egg and potato Spanish tortilla, Andalusian spinach and chickpea stew, and a bit of potato (?) soup with dill that I sopped up with bread. This is why tapas is one of my favourite dinner settings, you get to eat an entire supper out of appetizers. Delish. The food was superb and the service was excellent. It is a small place and they don't take reservations so expect a 10-20 min. wait on weekends. Still, we were never rushed and ended up staying for three hours. A bit pricey but when it comes to great food I'll pay for an atmosphere that isn't pretentious.

The week before, Rajbo and I finally made it down to the Distillery District after having lived in this city since '03. Two things that I really enjoyed were the massive quantities of red brick, which made for great pictures, and a shot of pure melted chocolate with a dash of red chilli from Soma Chocolatemaker. Good god, chocolate in a shot glass is my new # 1 drink.

The District is also home to the Mill St. Brewery, which souded really good at first but then I had never been to a brewery before. It stank like death, so much so that the (free) beer in my hand smelled like water. Also, we found a cool upside down tree that could double as a kickass crown of thorns...for your next video maybe, Kanye.

This weekend has been a quiet one with Rajbo falling ill and being unable to greet his devotees on Friday :-( Poor boy, shitty way to celebrate a birthday. I'm sad that Dutty Boi ended up going only to find the party machine, namely myself, missing in action, while having to fend for hisself in the wilds known for roaming hoardes of borderline illegal skater kids. So sorry, Dutty. It has also rained non-stop since Friday so I've been keeping cooped at home, spending my funny coloured moolah online on books. I'm highly excited to read Gautam Malkani's "Londonstani", no lie, I know the hype is enough to scare many away but not me. No way I would deny myself an entire novel written in Brit Asian thug slang. Do you know how long I've waited for a desi Irvine Welsh? Ha. Authors must *love* it when us common folk make such comparisons. Anyway, I speak the truth, here is an excerpt:

Teachers or no teachers, fuck it. I had to redeem myself after my gimpy remark bout spellin Paki with a capital P. After all, Ravi had spotted the white kid in the first place an Amit'd helped Hardjit pin him against the brick wall. But me, I hadn't added anything to either the physical or verbal abuse of the gora. To make up for my shitness I decided to offer the following, carefully crafted comment.

Yeh bredren, knock his fuckin teeth out. Bruck his fuckin face. Kill his fuckin... his fuckin, you know, him. Kill him.

This was probly a bit over the top but I think I'd got the tone just right an nobody laughed at me. At least I managed to stop short of sayin kill the pig, like the kids do in that film Lord of the Flies. It's also a book too, but I'm tryin to stop knowin shit like that.

Scottish schemies, Hounslow hooligans, same difference. Can't wait!

Get Down on It

2006-04-20T21:45:00.000-04:00

Rumbling, tumbling, loosing steam aaaaaand...THUD. Two weeks of complete madness are nearing their end and someone's becoming addicted to keeping on the go. I work best under pressure and this leetle project I've been working on for months at the jay-oh-bee is in its final push, after which I wait and watch and pray that everything works out as planned. Wooooooo weee.

Last weekend we had a visit from my brother from another mother, Hasit a.k.a. 'Thank Tank', it was great to catch up. It's good to hang out with family, reminiscing and gossiping. There was too much eating and drinking and dancing going on for pictures but trust me, we had a blast. Even caught a Ghislain Poirier set at the Drake by slim chance. Can't think of a better DJ I could've taken Has-lo to go see. Also, Ghislain totally recognized me from My Space...yea...pretty bad...but not as embarrassing as it sounds. I tried to bribe him for a "Bounce le Gros" tee but no fruit borne as yet.

The day after tomorrow is The Rajbo's birthday! Let us now take a moment to bask in the divine glow of Rajbo's Buddha-nature:

He will be accepting offerings from devout disciples tomorrow night at the new Get Juiced venue, 751 Queen Street. Please remember, no touching allowed unless you pay the priest, namely me.

A.A. Meeting TONIGHT

2006-04-11T10:24:00.000-04:00

That's Anar Ali, you crazy inebriators! Since I had so much fun at last week's launch of Consensual Genocide I've decided to dedicate as many outings as possible to book launches. I feel like an imposter making my way through the throes of talented writers and poets and publishers and other pillars of the literary world that is the Toronto Women's Bookstore. After hearing, "So, are you a writer too?", and waggling my head in a noncommital fashion while saying, "...but I blog?", I've realized that if you can't rank among the writers then at least you can sit among them hoping to soak up any inspiration in sight. Plus, there is nothing like being read to from a book by its own author.

The details:

Book Launch for
Baby Khaki’s Wings
By Anar Ali

TODAY APRIL 11, 7pm
The Social
1100 Queen Street West (at Dovercourt)

These richly imagined tales, by turns playful and dark, and shot through with magic, depict the lives of East African Ismailis, a Muslim community with origins in India and a history of upheaval and dislocation. Set variously in Canada and East Africa, these stories portray characters caught between home and exile, between what is real and what is imagined, what is lost and what is found.

Featuring tunes by DJ Abdul Smooth spinning Indian electronica and Pan African grooves and DJ Nep Sidhu spinning an eclectic blend of jazz, disco, rap, and space music.

Dunno about that "space music" but one Abdul Smooth did confess earlier that he'll "be busting some old old wax from the bollywood funk days as well as weird 88-92 dance music (until a long cane comes from behind the curtain and pulls me out of the booth)." Hard to pass THAT up. Come all, buy books, listen to tunes and support as the summer descends to thaw your frozen spirit.

Dishoom!

2006-04-07T15:27:00.000-04:00

Apologies for posting this flier so bloody late but it has been a busssy week, full of work, Seera, poetry, pints and now this:

Hoooo, am I ever excited to shake my mammy jammy - or kaju katli - tonight! I've been really looking forward to qool Qasim's first installment of this monthly gig. Tablas AND synths, mmmmm, delish. Doesn't hurt that I only live 10 mintues away, woohoo!

As an aside, there are surely folks in Toronto I have never met who read this blog and might be interested in this sort of thing so if you're down tonight then be sure to holler at me doggies, arf.

Whodunnit?

2006-03-31T16:57:00.000-05:00

Watching 'Brick' is like the visual equivalent of floating in water, to keep yourself up you've got to keep your ears submerged. The result is a strange feeling of being completely alone in your own head while still being able to see as clear as if you were on ground. It is thought-provoking in the sense that you can't stop thinking about it. I went to bed last night mulling the plot details over in my head. 'Brick' is a fully rounded experience in a good old fashioned way. Direction, cinematrography, music, and dialogue all work together to form a film that at once feels both extremely familiar and completely unique. Not too shabby at all for a film that was made for less than $500, 000 and used a high school and its neighboring areas as a set.

I'll just quickly summarize the plot to tantilize the sleuth in you...no spoilers. A detective story with classic "hard-boiled gumshoe" dialogue superimposed on current-day California high schoolers. The fast-talking snoop is played extremely well by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, my new favourite actor. A wild card with a clean slate and the school's assistant VP's ear, he becomes heavily involved in the high school underworld after his sweetheart goes AWOL. This results in the introduction of some very memorable characters, plot twists, and fist fights galore. I was gripping my seat one minute and giggling madly the next...not just because of the hormones, damn you, it's the movie, it's that good.

Allow me to dork out for a bit...I don't know if it was intentional but there were some striking similarities with Twin Peaks (the series). Namely...

1. The shots from below of the ceiling fan with accentuated wooshs, just like the fan in Coop's hotel room before he'd get a vision.

2. The two female leads: one with blonde hair who is confused and led astray and her brunette friend who might not be as good of friend as she makes out.

3. The settings are all real, San Clemente High School is an actual school (the director went there), the "Coffee & Pie" place is real, the tunnel is really behind the school. San Clemente could have its very own pilgrims, just like the Snoqualmie area near Seattle!

For ignorant film noir fans like myself, the best-in-genre only extends to such popular classics as 'Mullholland Drive', 'Blue Velvet', 'Usual Suspects' and even the sci-fi/noir combo 'Blade Runner'. Now I'm adding 'Brick' to that list. There are plans of publishing the script with the original little novella that the flick was based on...I can just hear the 'cult' rumbling with excitement.

Excerpt from the novella, stolen from the excellent website:

"Pin."
"Pin... the Pin?"
"The pin, yeah."
"The pin's kind of a local spook story. You know the Kingpin?" "I've heard it."
"Same thing. Supposed to be old, like 26, lives in town."
"Jake runner, right?"
"Big time...maybe. Ask any dope rat where their junk sprang they'll say they scraped it from that who scored it from this who bought it off so, and after four or five connections the list'll always end with the Pin. But I'll becha you got every rat in town together and said 'show your hands' if any of them've actually seen the Pin, you'd get a crowd of full pockets."

My attendance at last night's showing was courtesy of Ceepee's hard work, thanks fella! Lucas Haas was there, wearing a green suit and white sneaks and looking down right manorexic. He said a few words, sounded like a nice dude. Our eyes met and we both smiled, yessssssss! Made me want to take him home and feed him.

Making It Right (Updated)

2006-03-30T14:50:00.000-05:00

Our knowledge-based economy is facing an uphill battle with regard to workforce. A declining birth rate coupled with an aging work force reveals a gaping hole in the availability of skilled and educated workers. Basically, we need people with knowledge and experience. We need more employers willing to take on apprentices. Most of all, we need suitable employment for the thousands of immigrants who are forced into underemployment by the big conspiracy that is "The Man".

Here in Ontario we are in prime position to motion change. We invest more than any other province in training and settlement programs for newcomers but alas we're stuck with many meters of red tape, certifications, and bull-headed employers before an experienced individual can put their goods to use. Bet you didn't know that in Ontario you can't wipe your own ass unless you are Ontario Certified. Really. I had to get a professional asswipe to wipe ass till I got my certification. I'm serious. As angry as I was for having to go through that it was nothing compared to my outrage when I read about a Chinese engineer who had designed the servos used on China's first manned spacecraft. She was working at the Yonge & Sheppard Cinnabon when the article came out in 2003. Makes you want to rock to yourself in a dark corner while murmuring about the unfairness of it all.

Other than the Ontario language training ads that started playing on the telly a few weeks ago I haven't seen much awareness about the issue. While searching for those ads I managed to stumble upon the Toronto Region Immigrant Employment Council's new set of ads for their 'Make It Right' public awareness campaign. Haven't seen them out in public as yet but they are superb so I hope that it will only be a matter of time...

+++

Should've finished going over all my unread feeds in Bloglines before posting this...Secret Dubai has a great post on these very ads. Dhavaak, I think it provides some food for your thoughts on TRIEC's true focus, advertising and publicity. SD happened upon the ads at an International Advertising Association exhibition in Dubai. I don't know how many months old these ads really are but shouldn't they be plastered around Toronto's public spaces by now if they are already making the rounds at international ad shows?

It's All Gravy

2006-03-24T15:46:00.000-05:00

I got a haircut last week. I have a fringe, bangs, fuff, a stylish shorty longback.

Last weekend it was Ceepee's birfday. Three ladies were stuffed in a trunk.

And driven away.

To the Press Pause headquarters where they were forced to drink Dial-A-Bottle JD. "What can you do, eh?"

This guy kept showing off his crack. It's a nice crack guy...no...but I don't want to touch it. No!

Some albums that deserve an ear or two, then repeat:

Prince - 3121

That purplicious gummy bear of sessy love is completely back in action with this one. He brought his synth with him this time. Top tracks are 'Lolita', 'Black Sweat', 'Incense and Candles' *swoooon* ("baby oooh" sounds really good through a vocoder), 'Fury', and 'Love'. If you're listening to 'Love' and you hear the break halfway through you may recognize the beat as being very similar to that DJ Assault tune, can't remember the title, goes "hoes get on the floor, hoes get nekkid"...but real slowed down. Very nice.

Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere

This record is now a frontrunner for best of '06 and the year isn't even half past yet. Cee-Lo Green is still a mean soul machine, it's good to have him back in bidness. Danger Mouse is, as always, pulling some inspired wizardry outta his tips. I really can't pick favourites with this one, I've tried, it's all amazing stuff. A couple that really struck me because of their dark lyrics were 'Just a Thought' and 'Necromancer'. Yes, 'Necromancer'. You love that tune already, right? Listen to some full tracks on the My Space page. Ten bucks says you won't get 'Crazy' out of your head for at least the next week.

Karsh Kale - Broken English

Sepia Mutiny had a good review of the album, it pretty much covers everything. This is good because my review would have been full of "mmm", "mrrr", "sniff", "aaah". Ah, KK, how I've missed you all these years. I wanted to like 'Liberation', I really did but the spark between us had fizzled ya know? It wasn't you. It was me. But now you've shown me again what it was like all those years ago, listening to 'Realize' and being stunned by the face of love. I see that you have grown, begun to explore new methods in your ingenious madness but that tablatronic, organic you I once knew is still killing me with every *dhoom tak*.

Obtain this album desis, ethnoheads, KK fanatics, indie-lovers, beat freaks, mom & dad. The best tunes are 'Manifest' w/ MC Napolean, 'Dancing At Sunset', the gorgeous 'Some Things Are OK', and 'Rise Up'. Some tunes are up on My Space.

Heart Chip

2006-03-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

Really glad I skipped that hour and a half of sleep last Wednesday to check out Hot Chip. They were excellent, very very good, I mean just fantastic, live. If you have had the pleasure of listening to their stuff then you know how mellow most of it is but they amped their shit up on stage and people were going cray-zay on the floor. My camerawork is terrible but you'll have to stick it through because the end is the best part. This is what four dudes, six synths, two guitars, three maracas, two bongos, one tambourine, and ONE M'FING COWBELL sound like:

Ok, so they weren't exactly using the cowbell for this specific tune but it was there, trust me. Why yes, that IS a naked man on stage! I lied, this isn't Hot Chip, it's Take That! From left to right: hot one, smart one, one who can sing, and bad boy. One member (random one) had to return home due to some illness. If these dudes are ever in your hood then you best be making a line towards some tickets, fatafat.

Cadence Weapon from Edmonton was the opening act. Never having heard any of his stuff it was nice to be met with a fistful of talent. The man is 20 years old. 20! And by talent I mean not only does he rap and produce his own synth-heavy/brilliant beats but he also SCISSOR KICKS while he raps. Hi, yes, and I swear I saw some air guitar too and I don't think he was being ironic. I found the best quote on his site, for which I happen to have the perfect picture:

"Dose magazine said I was a 'musical renaissance man' on Tuesday. How can I disagree with an amalgated youth demo targeting newscorp wannabe with 10 pages and confusing horoscopes? HOW CAN I?"

Hot Chip Flickr set.

Funny Ha Ha

2006-03-17T16:26:00.000-05:00

Hot Chip blew my mind, mang! Not going to say any more, the commentary will follow once I get the pictures and viddy up. I've been wrastling with Linux at home, it is a strange OS, I can't find a thing. Tried to upload to Flickr this morning but couldn't find my pictures folder anywheres in the Ubuntu jungle. Feeling quite ignorant about that. Rajbo needs to school my ass before I start acting out the "2001: A Space Odyssey" scene in Zoolander. Ooo oo OO AAA AHAH.

+ Chewy has a blog which is completely silly and a barrel of hairy fun. Sorry, Cee Pee, the address isn't 'Chewblogga', ha. It's "rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh". Ahahaha, rrrr, that's funny see. Anyway, the last post had me bawling, "HAMUrhRRRRRRRRRRn Tarrrrrrrrgh"!

+ Remember Chuck Norris Facts, well here are some facts after my own heart...Jack Bauer Facts! Aaaaamazing!

- "Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry."

- "Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist."

- "Jack Bauer can eat just one Lay's Potato Chip. Don't tell Jack what he can't fucking do."

+ Did anyone watch American Inventor last night? Here's a live blog recap if you didn't. The one desi that showed up was adorable, sweet, polite, and completely out of his damn mind. Invention #10 in the recap. His "invention" was clothing for cars. His presentation consisted of a tiny toy car and some pieces of cardboard with different patterns (Tropical print for the beach! Baseball print for taking in a baseball game!) that he folded over said toy car and...Voila! A "Versace suit" for your car so you can "arrive in style". GROAN. He kept smiling sweetly even when the judges turned him down with completely dumbfounded looks on their faces. Awww, I wanted to give him a big hug.

+ Saving the best for last, here is a video of a graduation drill for an Iranian Women Police training course. These ladies look hella tough! Scaling heights, chasing bad guys, dismantling bombs, beating criminals, and doing crazy sword routines...all in hijab. Much respect.

The need stop is the Eastside Motel

2006-03-14T14:58:00.000-05:00

If walls could talk then the lovely Stephanie Crabe might have chosen a different subject for her superb photographs. Motels are the some of the creepiest and most exciting indoor spaces on this planet. Strange yet ordinary. Sex, drama, murder, drugs, and deceit in smelly rooms with heartshaped tubs and free pr0n if you're lucky. I feel like hitching a ride to Tijuana just thinking it. Crabe's photography project is titled Motel and it perfectly captures the gloom and doom side of your local den of debauchery.

Wicked stuff. Can't wait for the book. Link thanks to Cityrag.

Don't ever do that again

2006-03-10T10:23:00.000-05:00

My blog disappeared yesterday afternoon and I was beside myself with frustration. It was the blog version of a bad dream where you feel yourself screaming but no sound escapes. Yes, it was that dramatic. Seems to be back in action. Thanks for replying to my emails Blogger. Not.

I don't know what you heard about me

2006-03-08T14:19:00.000-05:00

To me this article reps everything that is wrong wrong wrong with the way issues of race and appropriation are dealt with by cultural critics. I hope that the following is not an average representation of the kind of dialogue that goes on down South about these issues.

Witness the explosion of a new hip-hop meme into "white culture." Yes, it was a memorable Oscar moment when Three 6 Mafia won the best song for their musical contribution to "Hustle & Flow." And yes, the song has a catchy tag melody. But this is a cultural brush fire ...A vast new audience got hip to the song ...And sent it down the long road of appropriation and misreading that almost inevitably accompanies cultural objects when they cross over into the world of Whiteness.

If you ever wanted to know anything about "white culture" Kennicott is the man to read. Listen up ~~white~~ "white" people, you can't be Big Pimping if you got no hoes m'kay? K-Dawg says so. Pimps apparently are in no way shape or form a part of The Whiteness in Kennicott's world and Kenny is NOT a pimp, he knows his "church music". Shit, the whole bit about the "baroque" and detached nature of an attractive female vocal above the "noise" makes me think this is K's first attempt at listening to anything even remotely resembling hip hop. Oh, the best paragraph in this entire work of fart:

And so "It's hard out here for a pimp" enters white culture, as so many black memes do, with a wink and a nod. Of course your great aunt sitting down the table complaining in an impeccably white way that it's not easy for a pimp isn't thinking about real pimps. She may not even know what real pimps do. But that doesn't matter. Black memes in "white culture" are vaguely scandalous, used with a wink and nod that say, "I know this is transgressive, but I'm not going to learn anything more about it."

MY great aunt? MINE? MY great aunt ain't white. And your aunt sounds like a big ol' racist with all her winking and nodding. Also, what about the "brown memes"? I want some meaningful looking quotes around my badass "brown" culture too. It's hard out here for a DIMP (Desi in Moral Peril).

P.S. The best way to get 50 Cent out of your head is by gargling tequila while doing a head stand. Desperate times and desperate measures. Trust me, it also works for Three 6 Mafia and "Laffy Taffy".

This post will be censored by Etisalat

2006-03-05T00:36:00.000-05:00

I. Am. Overcome. With. Rage. This is SHIT. And I'm getting claustrophobic. When realization strikes that there is no getting out, a previously comfortable situation begins to turn sour with a vengeance. It is Saturday night. Thirty minutes ago I was getting primped to go meet Ceepee and Homesick in the 3PB (Press Pause Party Basement) and now I'm SITTING IN FRONT OF A FUCKING COMPUTER AND BANGING ON THE KEYS REAL HARD LIKE. There is something in me that just cannot deal with such situations, which is why I have been extra careful to not get into them. I made the stupid mistake of placing my keys on the coffee table (which I almost never do just becuase of my fear of cases like this one) in a house where there are always keys on the coffee table. And then everyone left...WITH MY KEYS I BET, FUCK FUCK FUCK. So now I am sitting at home in all my finery and cursing loudly. The best part is, I'm trying to fucking call the suspect to see if perhaps they only have that one set on them thereby giving me hope that one set of keys is still kicking around in the house and waiting for me to locate it but no one is answering my messages. No no no, that's not the best part...the BESTEST part is that when I call the culprit the rings get cut off abruptly (first) then keep ringing (second) then cut off quick again...it may be my rage but I bet Dakoo's right eye that I am being ignored. What kind of heartless bullshit is that?! And I just got a call from the PPPB and it was Ben The Fighter-not-lover who I like to keep a little distance from becuase he like to wrastle but right now I would just love to throw some weakass punches in the name of fun...

OK, one last try on the phone and then I resign myself to watching "Hitchhiker's Guide"...dangit..."freaking goober". Fine, in an attempt to reach my place of Zen I will think about last night's happy times and show you some pictures. But first, should I write a nasty sms? Ooooo, it's so tempting!!!! I'm not trying to offend I just want to know what happened to my keys...hmmm...bad idea, I will completely regret it tomorrow when I wake up knowing how obsessive 6 calls and a nasty sms really is when I can't even know for sure if the keys were mistakenly picked up or what. Ugh. Wouldn't mind a bit of scotch with two rocks right about now...oh ya, in case you were wondering, I'm perfectly sober. About those pictures...

I moonlight as a fake wrestler's fake wife.

Meet Your Lovin' Uncle.

I like to call this series "Amos Descends into Hell".

That's all I got. Would've had more if I was elsewhere tonight. One day, my collection of party pics is going to be the biggest this planet has ever seen. Could someone not have invented a cheap way to scan bodyparts into computer controlled locking mechanisms already? I'm going to find a way to embed my keys into my body so I never have to leave them alone ever again. Wish me luck comrades!

Movies & Mayhem

2006-03-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

Aww yeah yeah he was fresh
Like summer peaches
sweet on my mind like block parties
and penny candy oh oh

I'm only going to say this again and again, please go see "Block Party". LOVED IT. It is somewhat hard to describe and you know how I like to draw things out and round and spiral before getting to any point. Basically, this feature falls under the 'concert film' category but it has that extra kick of stories hidden beneath the surface. Director Michel Gondry ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", Bjork - "Human Behavior", Chemical Brothers - "Star Guitar") is a genius for putting shit together in the way that he does. I loved seeing Chappelle's dealings with his Ohio townfolk, with the crowd, and with the performers. There were stories, I tell you, stories of relationships between a neighborhood and a concert, between concert-goers and performers, and amongst the performers themselves. The comedy was brilliant because it was unrehearsed and also because Dave Chappelle is pretty much the funniest man alive.

The performances were wicked and how could they not be with ?uestlove doing all the drumming and the production. I had the goosebumps going for a majority of the time and was just about ready to faint when Lauren Hill started singing "Killing Me Softly". Electricity. I know this flick is a must-see for all the Chappelle buffs out there but to those who aren't you really should give it a shot because there's a mighty fine chance you'll love it.

From now on I want to watch all my movies with "tasters" tickets, which is a post-press screening pre-public premiere screening type of screening. We saw some Cancon personalities in the audience. Seera was sitting right behind Kardinal Offishal who I love like you wouldn't believe, ESPECIALLY since he rocked cricket whites in his last video. And he (also his wardrobe) is the only reason I end up watching that whack Much VJ Search...Kardi bwoy you gotta speak up more I'm watching that shit for you! Ceepee said he saw Nelly Furtado and that she was teeny tiny but I couldn't spot her, pretty tiny that one. It was a good crowd because everyone was excited and loving every moment, hands raised, heads nodding, bellies aching.

When the Dead Prez started on "Bigger than Hip Hop" and the crowd started ROARING I was taken back to a time...last friday when the exact same thing happened at Get Juiced. That tune drops and people's arms go rabid with a desire to be raised, see:

As you can see that place is really small and it was completely packed and the cops showed up and I almost asked one to pay but saw his taser or whatever that was just in time. Why would you need NINE cops to check on one tiny party in a small pub where nothing terrible has ever happened? Damn guns got nothing better to do than harass the skater kids...who, I admit, were a) creating a massive lineup outside, b) looking really really young, c) congregating in shady areas:

So I'm glad Seera came out and helped me man the fort with her ruff n tuff pistons of steel. 'Twas a fun party but it tired me out becuase it felt like I was working after working all day, which really blows. Also, I missed Iahdon's show at the Press Pause gallery and I wanted to buy some shit because it is my mission in life to own at least one piece of art from each member of the PP crew before their following grows to NRA size. There was an impomptu afterparty at the gallery, which is also their house, and I caught a drunken glimpse of the work, very cool:

That's Seven settling into his beer and cookies, mmm. The afterparty was the best part of the night. First class relaxing:

And fun people, in reading order, Ceepee, Jessica, Lola, Iah:

And then I went to bed, which is what I'm going to do now...after seeing who gets kicked off American Idol...hoo yea, the crooner just got the boot. Good riddance.

+ Flickr set.

+ Hotness:

The 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway

2006-02-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

I really wanted to get down and dirty on the blog today with an update on this weekend's hyperactivity but it will have to wait a day longer. Ceepee is truly one amazing humanoid for having scored us tickets to Dave Chappelle's Block Party premiere tonight. Since I only found out it was today at 8:30 this morning I am in one miffed hurry to get things sorted at work before making a stealthy escape. Oh lordy, this is some wetspot inducing excitement, let me tells ya.

In other exciting news, I AM GOING TO SEE HOTCHIP ON THE 15TH. MUAHAHAHAHA. Bird, I love you for snagging the ticks because they will surely be gone soon. Can't wait, lalalala, March is going to kick ass.

Love Is All I Bring

2006-02-22T15:05:00.000-05:00

Quite possibly one of the best singles EVER released, Althea & Donna’s ’Uptown Top Ranking’…Listen to how amazing this tune is! Aaargh, makes me want to get decked up and drive around the block. I had forgotten all about it for years until a few days ago when I woke up in the middle of the night singing the entire first para IN MY HEAD. The 'one hit wonder' is a powerful thing.

Is Nothing Sacred?

2006-02-17T19:43:00.000-05:00

The first rule of Bollywood is...there are no bloody rules, bitches!

Nooooo, anything but Fight Club! Feeling angry. Don't know why. Finding it hard to keep optimistic about Hindi cinema. Have a look at the trailers, you may find yourself in the same state.

Thanks, Ceepee, for keeping on top of things.

+++

Desperately in search of a parody I meandered through You Tube's offerings and came across this...Bollylicious:

Ok, so we've got the whole lame fob bit with the sitar, spices, basmati, papad, Microsoft tee and microsmall shorts BUT we've also got desi dudes doing The Carlton, getting hoochie, and dancing to Sir Mix-A-Lot. Next time, more dudes with fit legs in skirts please.

Dacoit Of My Dreams

2006-02-17T13:19:00.000-05:00

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

- Bill (Sonnet 18)

A few weeks ago, in the store down my street with the fake gorilla out front, I saw the most adorafreaky little thing. He had cute little paws and a soft brown and white coat. Apparently I kept talking about him so much that on Tuesday I came home to find the very object of my affection just sitting there on my dresser and looking desperately in need of a petting. Meet my new friend, Dakoo:

*sigh* We're going to have so much fun together.

Come to this party on the 24th. I will be teetering at the door.

We want YOU.

Like the flyer says, free ladies will be given away...I can't wait!

My, my, my, my...

2006-02-15T19:46:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of the wunnerful Mizz Fresh at Crunktastical, Hammer has a new viddy. It's that *time* again:

Sounds like a ruined version of 'The Whisper Song'. Talented dancing in the vid though. From everyone other than M.C. that is. I love breaking it down as much as the next gally but this shit does nothing to make me want to put on my black bike shorts and mustard dress jacket. He does seem like a nice chap (based on The Surreal Life) so I'm glad he isn't still doing used car commericals for Fox Rochester.

Damn, that's two Hammer post-titles in a row.

2 Legit 2 Quit

2006-02-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

As I made my way through the front doors and past The Rex I found myself standing on a pavement littered with hearts. I followed one to beyond all the way to Osgoode, there were hundreds of them in chalk and paint, lying against a harsh footpath. People bumped into each other with eyes drawn to the ground in puzzled amusement. At the hot dog stand on the corner the largest heart of them all stared me in the face and warmed my bitter...heart, of course. In it lay the link 'www.newmindspace.com'. Thank you for making my day you cheeky cherubs.

Last December marked my one-year anniversary with this here humble blog and akin to what they say about marriage the honeymoon is indeed over. Beginning with the dots dark template, I managed to squeeze some knowledge of CSS and HTML into my noggin in order to change the page to my liking. Being very inexperienced with coding and faced with the sophisticated lingo of the template page I decided to hunt for a newer, simpler design altogether. While meandering through pages of linkware I settled for the current one and taught myself to use a very small portion of the massively powerful Dreamweaver web development tool. The result is what you see before you today. Those were happy times when a sense of accomplishment encompassed my small world. Almost a year later I am again in a state of disillusion. I need more. More options. More server space. More freedom. More pretty pictures. More kickass tunes to give you. Blogspot is unparalleled in terms of free blogging but I need to outgrow it.

Last Friday, Rajbo was feeling the movement of a similar keeda (bug) up his bum. You may not know this about him because I may not have mentioned it but Rajbo posses a superior intellect and astonishing ability in the area of web development. A few years ago, in 2002-03, before the now indispensable audioscrobbler/last.fm deal, Rajbo created a music recommendation engine by crawling p2p networks in order to derive correlations between artists. The only words that came out of his sweet mouth for a good year were 'data mining' and 'collaborative filtering'. He generated an impressive database from crawling the Soulseek and Gnutella networks and created a wicked site at echocloud.net. The best part was that the more obscure the taste the better the program worked! Echocloud data was even used to write a research paper all the way off in Germany.

Two years ago, Rajbo found that he indeed did not have the time to keep up the mining and decided to donate his data to some chap in Europe. That was the end of that and the stage was set for earlier mentioned keeda. So, I am thinking of embarking on a redesign project with his help. We will pool our assets to find some server space, I will learn how to use the rest of Dreamweaver and create a kickass non-blogger blog (respect!) and he will create something maddeningly exciting for hisself. Perhaps he will start a blog of his own after having said nay for so long. My mind is giddy with comparisons, like I squealed over and over to Rajbo, "just like Dooce and Blurbomat!" And then he said, "Arrgh! Stop saying that word, stop saying Blurbomat! WTF is that!"

Happy Valentine's, y'all, gives yer man/lady/pet/mama/pops/pillow some hugs and love from me too.

Mongrel music for a mongrel world

2006-02-13T16:26:00.000-05:00

I wub Jahcoozi.

This hype Berlin-based trio is made up of MC and singer Sasha Perera (London), bassman Oren Gerlitz (Tel Aviv) and Robot Koch (Berlin) on laptop and drums. From their My Space page: "Blip hop, ragga-tech, RnB punk, click pop illectronica? Pop? A Shakespeare’s Sister - Neptunes collabo?!!" Definitely a band of roughians to watch out for. '~~Half~~ Pure Breed Mongrel' [Ed. - Get off my back, dad!] comes as a surprise to me because I didn't know what to expect on first listen, my only previous experience being Sacha Perera's appearance on the Modeselektor album (on 'Silikon'). This new platter has some crazy fire on it that can clearly translate into big things on a live stage. While the beats are supremely dancefloor-friendly the 'tude is not for the pop-hearted. It reeks satire from the first track ('Black Barbie') which makes the album a blast to listen to. 'Asian Bride Magazine' is deffo a personal fav (how could it not be?) and had me grinning from ear to ear: "Thank you, L'Oréal, now there's products for us/Daily use gonna help us to pretend that we're high caste/ Bleach our skin, lighten our moustache."

Perera is Londoner of Sri Lankan origin and yes she does do the whole raggamuffin bit with her voice but the comparison to M.I.A. ends there. Unlike Mizz Maya ('Sunshowers' chorus anyone?), this lady can really sing. Though the Modeselektor track made it hard to avoid drawing similarities, with this album it becomes clear that Perera is in a league of her own when it comes to her wonderfully husky vocal capability. More like the other major 'M' in my life, Missy, in sound. Jahcoozi has made a great debut both in the full-length world and in my hungry ears (I know it came out last year, smartass).

Run in and cop a listen on their My Space profile.

Four About Nine

2006-02-09T16:00:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged by Badmash...

4 Jobs

- Pest control manager for a software firm: "No you CAN'T talk to Lyndon unless you pay my ass, bitch!"
- Working at the above software firm the next summer doing nothing but playing online games with my boss and taking smoke breaks...tech booms are awesome
- Getting paid in fame (ha!) for various tag team efforts with the apple of my eye, Tinmeister, involving clothes, coloured contacts, lights, camera, cameraman, Gulf News, artificial cup-size enhancers, aaaand ACTION...sigh, those were some good times, Tina molay
- On the receiving end of a 1-800 line for a production house that made 'The Gospel of John'

4 Movies (off the top of my head)

- The Hunt for Red October
- A History of Violence
- Lost Highway
- Harold & Kumar
If I could stir these up into a drink it would be as palatable as drinking beer, milk, vodka and te-kill-ya in one sitting.

4 Places I've Lived

- Sharjah, U.A.E.
- Calgary, Alberta
- Sackvegas, New Brunswick
- Toronto, Ontario

4 TV Shows

- America's Next Top Model (like CANDAY!)
- My Name is Earl ("Ain't no use running, fool! I know where your mama parks your house!")
- 24 (Jack Bauer narrates my dreams)
- American Idol (no shame!)

4 Vacations

- N & S Western India
- Carrara, Italy
- London, England
- L.A. to Ensenada

4 Foods (that I could eat right now even though I just ate 15 pieces of kapa maki)

- Paneer, especially in makhani or tikka form
- Channa masala
- Yam tempura
- Pofaki!

4 Places I'd Rather Be

- Machu Picchu
- Dancing my ass off to some over-the-top Now 90s mix in a Mumbai hall full of desi dance machines
- Drinking feni and smoking fat beedis with Tina in a hut on the Goan coast
- Auroville with my fam

4 Sites

- Four Four
- Digg
- Sepia Mutiny
- Paved

4 Bloggers with some meme-ingful work ahead

- Veevek the Crazy Nomad (I don't care if you have homework!)
- Suesse Dani (kühle blogwelt!)
- Boot (I don't care if you have homework!)
- Rich (though this is totally not something I would expect to come across on your blog, I still want to leave the option out there for you to grab because curiosity is killing this cat! Meow!)

Working up a black sweat

2006-02-07T16:54:00.000-05:00

I got up this morning with the weight of a thousand oversized bottles of Cutty Sark on my sinuses. So I worked from home, which is a really good time if you (like me) have been in the mood to listen to some Prince at deafening levels ever since Rich posted about him out of the blue. I gave up the work a little while ago because things became far to swimmy to be able to concentrate and I was afraid I'd end up sending emails I may regret tomorrow. Lucky for me blogging requires no concentrated ability or self-censorship whatsoever!

If you can't beat your fever then your best bet would be to just sit back and enjoy the fuzzy and numb sensory experience. Watching Prince videos while in this feverish state of heightened sensitivity to all stimuli is like experiencing that weird tantric shit that gets talked about every weekend on the Life channel, after hours of course. Where it's just two naked people lying really far away from each other but gyrating and moaning as if they were really in much closer proximity. Ya, that is EXACTLY what happens in your head when you watch Prince videos while running a fever. Especially comeback videos, I almost had a heart attack, when I saw this:

And then there's his SNL stint from last Saturday, which is blowing my mind. He is not a man, he is a god, behold:

Those back up dancers are fantastic! I totally love both these tunes, 'Black Sweat' for its killer beat that one can't help but gyrate to and 'Fury' for its SHREDDING. Can't wait for '3121' to come out. For a laugh, here's the Chappelle's Show take on Prince shooting some hoops.

Queen Street Man

2006-02-05T11:26:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my neighbourhood. Hahahaha, fucking hipsters.

Bigmouth Strikes Again

2006-02-03T16:53:00.000-05:00

...pssst...PSSST...

I have in my possession a certain wicked new tune by a charming man who I want but can't have and it's driving me mad. The ditty is quickly being pulled from various sites that it was leaked to and it pretty much fell off the back of a truck and into my lap so in that sense it is hot hot hot...I haven't heard it yet but plan to when I gits home...in the by and by...if anyone is interested...I am sending it out.

I really do love all of you THAT MUCH for bearing with my poor posting frequency...don't worry, all boring things come to an end too...here's some pasty Canadian love to tide you over...

Midnight at the oasis

2006-01-30T19:09:00.000-05:00

I can't resist dishing the following goss: uber~~slag~~model Naomi Campbell has been spotted vacationing in Stockholm with a Dubiyan prince. So says Page Six (via The Superficial), dunno how much I trust the 666 but what a strange pairing if it indeed is true. There is no clarification as to the term 'prince' so let me attempt to narrow it down for you. Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid used to be the Crown Prince and is now the ruler so he may not be our man...too high profile of a stunt for someone in his position. Sheikh Mo has three brothers: Sheikhs Maktoum, Hamdan, and Ahmed. Maktoum, the eldest, just passed and Ahmed (the youngest) is the army's Lieutenant General and also not so hot. Hamdan is the deputy ruler of Dubai and I am giving him the benefit of doubt because he seems to be a real honest, hardworking philantrophist sort...plus he's close to 60.

Now, Sheikh Mo has 7 sons ranging from early teens to early twenties and they are all-rounders, I mean Willy and Harry have nothing on sons born of Maktoum lineage today. These kids are not only well educated, well traveled, amazing at polo and rich beyond comparison but they are heirs to a gold mine...real heirs to a piece of the most profitable section of an oil-rich country, not figureheads. So, who could possibly have poked Ms. Campbell in the bedroom of The Grand Hotel with a royal appendage? The first possibility is Mo's second son who is probably in his early twenties, Prince Hamdan Bin Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum:

This man is being groomed for public life by his father and declaring him the new Crown Prince of Dubai would come to me as no surprise (has this already happened? I'm only speculating...). Look at him. He is a young, rich dish that is ripe for cougar season. The second possibility is Prince Hamdan's great uncle, Sheikh Ahmed Bin Saeed Al Maktoum, head of the Department of Civil Aviation and CEO of Emirates Airlines who is probably around 47 years old:

Look at him. He is an older, richer dish. He's never going to be head honcho so he can get away with a bit of canoodling. The man has been rumored to have a half-Italian love child somewhere so by my loosy goosy logic it follows that there is a definite chance he likes to slap model trunkjunk. What? People, this is not a research paper.

Those are my two suspects and this entire exercise is a waste of time because we will never know...or will we?

Power. Respect. Juice.

2006-01-26T11:50:00.000-05:00

What are you doing this Friday? Drop it. Keep in mind the following words when thinking about your made plans: Just 'cause you pour syrup on something doesn't make it pancakes! D.R.T. has better things in store for you.

Riverside, motherfuckers.

So long poll booth, see you in another 24-28 months!

2006-01-24T17:14:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning not feeling too shabby about the Conservative minority mostly because I had fully resigned myself to such a case about a week ago. This election campaign was by far the most exciting I have ever witnessed in this country. I had the wicked shakes while watching the CBC coverage last night, my riding (Trinity-Spadina) had an unbelievably close race with a positive ending as far as I'm concerned. Some thoughts on the Libs getting torn a new one...

2004's election gave us a Liberal minority that saw some very very desperate times and culminated with a savage re-election campaign this year. They tried everything to claw themselves to the top but ended up making the Conservatives look like sweet little bunny rabbits. Poor work. The new Tory minority government seems low on desperation and high on hope. A minority is just peachy for a party that has had severe problems with image and with unity among its own ranks. Still, Stephen Harper won because Paul Martin lost.

Ah-Hi-Five, Parkdale! See ya, Bulte (Liberal), we knew yee only too well. Many cheers for the voters, Micheal Geist, all the bloggers and journos who spread the word, and of course for Peggy Nash, the new NDP MP. You GO girl!

I can't believe Ignatieff (Liberal) snuck through by 4990 votes. Good thing he has some tough skin for all that heckling he's going to suffer. My distaste for his shifty appointment (and crazy ass views and evident arrogance) has been sweetened because it is one less riding for the Conservatives and let's be honest...the man is a dreamboat.

Olivia Chow (NDP) finally won in my riding with 3667 votes over incumbent Tony "Thug Life" Ianno. I was initially going Green but the race was very close and I'm glad I put my say in for Chow, I hope she serves us well in da House. I think she will provide a progressive voice in the new parliament, all she has to do is utter a peep and she will have done more than Ianno (Canada's laziest MP).

Overall the NDP did make great gains even if they fell short of holding the balance of power by one seat. This happening for the second election in a row must be a terribly disappointing feeling but they won't be left out in the cold when it comes to all the steamy policial action. The NDP and Liberal seats combined number higher than the Conservative seats...that's got to count for something.

The Conservatives did not manage to get a single seat in all of Toronto (23 ridings) but scored two seats in the Greater Toronto 905 area with Tony Clement and Jim Flaherty. Why are these two still around and still winning? They fucked things up for Ontario under Mike Harris and now they are Harper's 'in' when it comes to Toronto.

The Accountability Act will be dealt with first, then the budget. The defence spending, capital gains tax, transit credits will be haggled out with all parties invovled later in the year. Harper would be smart to work with all the parties perhaps shutting out the Bloc because I bet he's been wanting to try that shit out for ages. He needs to keep the Social Conservatives in check. This means no same-sex marriage votes and no letting people flap on about reproductive rights, especially all them cowboy Art Hangers. Should be interesting to see which opposition party will provide the Tories with the support they need to survive (NDP?).

Surprised to hear that Paul Martin has stepped down as leader of the Liberal party, poor guy. He has had a rough session. I would not have guessed these exit circumstances for a man who played more than a fair part in strengthening our economy to current levels. Such is this dirty game of ups and downs, au revoir M. Martin, hope to see you on the CBC during the next election perhaps. The race is on for leadership, I'm going with Frank McKenna (current ambassador to the U.S.) but others like the once-thwarted Martin Cauchon or John Manley or Michael Ignatieff or Belinda Stronach are sure to want a shot.

"You know what, you can never lose when you follow your heart." Thanks, Belinda. You know what, you will never have my vote with that coming out of your mouth.

Harper needs to stop wearing Cleopatra eyeliner effective immediately. And the dusty rose lips? Come on.

Incapable of making a straight decision...this is my kind of country...ladies and gents I present to you Prime Minister Stephen Harper...

Touge Patrol Posse Presents...(UPDATED)

2006-01-18T12:48:00.000-05:00

One evening Seera and I decided to set up some group fun. See, we had been hunting raccoons all evening in the urban jungle and the ending score was Raccoon : 347, Seera & Neha : 0. This made us feel unmanly, we realized we needed something else to help us realize our full potential, something other than Scientology. As a result, we have decided to cut off our mullets, wipe off the magic marker pentagrams on our bodies, bursh our teeth, and dedicate ourselves to the fine art of Drunken Photography. Please, do join us on our quest this Saturday (21st). Email me (currylingus@gmail.com) for details about location and time. Rest assured, the place we have in mind has large telephone lines, a hill for tumbling, and barren wintriness galore. WE NEED MORE PEOPLE TO PROTECT US FROM THE RACCOONS WHO KNOW OUR FACES AND HAVE A RACCOON FATWAH ON OUR HEADS.

UPDATE

Ok, you PETA freaks leave your goddamn clothes on because instead of beginning Saturday's session by polishing our sling shots we have decided to meet for breakfast. Breakfast in a pint glass...Just kidding! Seera and myself will be at the Pour House Pub on 182 Dupont Ave. at 11 am. I will be having two eggs scrambled, buttered brown toast, and taters while Seera might go for something similar but with bacon or sausage or she might just surprise all of us and go for a poutine, at which point I too will want a poutine. Our final destination is within walking distance so once everyone has arrived we will begin our trek. See you there!!!

Pimp My Hide

2006-01-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

The BEST Christmas present EVER. Thank yee, Seera Truckit/Bobby Jo, your fingers are so nimble and crafty. Let's start a sweatshop!

The special handmade & homemade Currylingus zippy, chuddies, and jammies came packed with their very own slogan (a marketing maven, that Truckitt!):

Business in the front...

Party in the back.

FUCK YEA! I LOVE YOU, TRUCKS!

Arrgggh, MY EYES!

2006-01-17T12:25:00.000-05:00

I cannae see a thing anymore!!!!!

That is all.

Woh Kaun Thi

2006-01-16T15:23:00.000-05:00

Two Sundays ago I watched Woh Kaun Thi ('Who Was She') on Omni 2. My mum used to sing and hum the tunes from this flick constantly, Lag Ja Gale ('Hug My Neck, Yo!') being a favourite of both of ours. The soundtrack to this film imprinted itself on my brain at a very young age and so I was delighted to finally get a chance to watch it. Perfect Sunday afternoon fare. Here is a short clip of the main tune, Naina Barse ('Eyes Are Raining', ha!):

Made in 1964 this murder mystery/thriller, which was loosely based on Hitchcock's 'Vertigo', is full of delicious frames due to excellent camera work. I'll forgive the fact that the highly unbelievable story just rambles in the middle and has a weak ending because I am a HUGE fan of Sadhana and Helen and of course, Mr. India...err, I mean Bharat, himself, Manoj Kumar. These three paired with Raj Khosla (director) and the smashing duo of Lata Mangeshkar (playback) and Madan Mohan (music producer) made me want to rant about the 'good old days' of Indian Cinema. Before Bolly this & that and decades before my birth. I'm turning into my father.

There was something other than nostalgia that was rekindled that Sunday. A desire in me, as old as me, a need to acquire...THE SADHANA CUT. Oh. My. Bollygod. Much to my mother's dismay I have always wanted the Sadhana Cut. This was THE hairstyle of the 60s in India. Every hair dresser I have ever attempted to cajole into giving me this cut has outright refused and one (in Porbandar) actually fooled me into thinking I was getting one until the very end when I said, "So, now can you cut my bangs please? What? Oh. You're NOT cutting my bangs? I see. It's a 'special Sadhana cut'? Ah." Behold! The Sadhana Cut:

Hmmm, I feel like I've seen that hair elsewhere...Oh yeah, her caucasian (but just as white) twin had the same hair:

Ah, Bolly Bolly Bolly, at least back then you would choose your *inspiration* tastefully.

Grit Begone

2006-01-13T10:36:00.000-05:00

This election suddenly became WAY more exciting and shameless compared to the last one. Many of you may be as in awe as I am of Liberal MP Sarmite 'Sam' Bulte (Parkdale Massive!) and the controversy around her shi-shi-poo-poo campaign fundraiser at the Drake. Touted as a potential Minister of Canadian Heritage, Sammy began taking a sudden interest in copyright reform once the bills started flowing in from the entertainment industry. Funny thing is that they never spent a dime on any other MP, just Sams, just because she danced to their tune. And she ain't playin with no broke broke either. That being said, if you (the reader) in anyway feel that the shaping of copyright law in Canada absolutely has to be placed in the hands of objective individuals who tend to take initiative from doing public good rather than private success then give thought to supporting the Copyright Pledge.

This petition has been proposed by Michael Geist, Professor of Law at University of Ottawa and blogger extrordinaire. His posts on this whole situation have been my sustenance for the past few days, very insightful and balanced. I also love the fact that he's gotten under Bulte's skin, at the Parkdale-High Park candidates meeting Bulte was asked if she was in favor of the Copyright Pledge (NDP & Conservative = yes) and she replied (in part), "I will not allow Michael Geist and his pro-user zealots, and Electronic Frontier Foundation members to intimidate me into silencing my voice." Geist's response on his blog pretty much sums up how I feel about Smarmite and "her" "views". Reacting to a request to advocate fairness in policy-making by calling people names just makes her look even more like a puppet with an absent-at-the-time master.

I don't support mass-scale online exchange of copyrighted items for commercial gain while ignoring the rights holders BUT if I want to give you the tune I heard today because it's deserves the publicity then I will do so...FOR FREE. And yes, that makes it all okay in my holy book.

As if they didn't have enough on their plate already, the Liberals are just racking up the minus points and I for one don't appreciate having to consider a Conservative majority. Do the right thing, Parkdale *vote NDP*.

Did he do that?

2006-01-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that THIS:

Is now THIS:

Bet those boots have wicked heels that would put Mizz Sarah J. Parker's to SHAME.

A One, a two, a one two three four!

2006-01-06T16:47:00.000-05:00

OMG, lists were so hot in 2005! You know what else was hot?

10. Annie - Anniemal
Yeah, I know this came out in 2004 but I only heard it in 05, plus it was released in Dubai only last year. Actually, I first heard 'The Greatest Hit' off this album in Dubai last summer...on afternoon radio at that. Soooo, I guess it counts! I've been waiting for pop like this since I got bored of St. Etienne and Kylie became overplayed. Annie has saved me with her chewing gum and down-to-earth lyrics about boys, clubs, crushes, and Top of the Pops. Missus B Missus E Missus A-U-T Missus I Missus F-U-L!

9. Modeselektor - Hello Mom
Ack, ze Germans are coming! People, I don't give a fuck if you roll your eyes at my next words...this album puts 85% of the crunk and grime and ghettotech out today TO SHAME. This is the sort of shit that I bet my life DJ Assault is slapping booty to. You know why? Uff, the man has taste. Tracks that take M.I.A. into warp speed, tracks that revive O.D.B., tracks with TTC, tracks with Arab strings, tracks that make you want to dance but you would have no idea how to so you just sit and listen in amazement to two sweet BPitch Control lads giving the slapdown of a lifetime to mind-numbingly austere techno-lords everywhere. Take THAT Kompakt.

8. Kelley Polar - Love Songs of the Hanging Gardens
Haayyy, it's time for the disco drums! *doo doo DOO* Haaayyy, lemme hear dem strings! That was my first reaction to this debut effort by a child prodigy who is so badass that he got expelled from Julliard. And good too because now we have this "unrequited love in my head and party in my bed" record. We also have his efforts on some of Metro Area's *bestest* tunes like Miura and Caught Up.

7. Boards of Canada - The Campfire Headbase
Ahhh, like putting on an old pair of jeans with frayed edges and cute, square front pockets, bought at Miss Selfridge in the hot summer of 99, in Middlessex, London, that have been there through sickness and health, summer and winter, Asia and North America, love and loss, and now they fit like a pair of loosy goosy pyjamas. Yoose dig?

6. Depeche Mode - Playing the Angel
HeLLO. Need I type anymore? From heroin to martyrdom, DM make the trek that few with their history can survive, heads high.

5. Roots Manuva - Awfully Deep
While the current hip-hop scene stanks hard of recycled beats and rhythms this album is all melody and chords. Taking elements from Duran Duran, Depeche Mode, P Funk, Basic Channel, crunk, Kraftwerk and his own dubby style, Rootsy has created a beast of synth that works oh-so-well with his beautiful voice and writing that's chock full of common sense.

4. Ada - Blondie
My past is speckled with crushes on Euro ladies who have killer debuts and like to sing their own tunes. 2004 was Miss Kitten, the year before was Ellen Allien, 06 is all about Annie. Ada was last year's obsession. Hard woman to find any information on...like where she lives and what she's wearing RIGHT NOW. All I know is how good this first album is and how it needs far more recognition in North America. Heartbreaking vocals in a sweet little accent and synths spanning house, pop, electro-tech, whatever. Special lyrics for one track written by one of my favourite bands of all time, Everything But The Girl. A couple of crazy covers of the Eurhythmics and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. This album is also an open floozy for remixes and has spawned good ones by Sacha Funke and Michael Mayer.

3. Isolee - We Are Monster
Metro Area and Boards of Canada met in high school and fell in love. They got married in a chapel (similar to the one in GnR's 'November Rain' video) and bought a cute house. A child was born who they named Isolee. He was a happy child leading a comfortable existance until he hit puberty. Things began to suffocate him. He began feeling embarrassed about his parents taste in music. "This disco, this slow melodious shit is for stuffy old people with no lives!". He was going to make his own music, something that suited him, he would show his parents something they had never thought was possible...and they would hate it...mwahaha. Many months later, he proudly presented his parents with the finished product. They just sat back, laughed and gave him a big round of applause. Isolee was confused (and a little disappointed), "I thought you were going to hate it, I mean, I made it the way I thought music should be made. I don't understand!" Metro Area and Boards of Canada looked at each other and said to him, "It may be your music but you are our son". The moral of the story is...this is a brilliant album. I love it & I love it. Guess what? I love it. Every bleep, bloop, twang, and lyric is so perfectly placed in this album that it MUST have a divine creator.

2. Danger Doom - The Mouse and the Mask
The most scrumptious collaboration since Paul & Michael. MF Doom and Danger Mouse, live together in perfect harmony, side by side on my player, this album, oh lawd, why don't we? Doom being his usual brilliant self and Danger just killing me with his samples. Throw in some Cee-lo, Ghostface, Talib Kweli, and a harmonium in the 3rd track to boot and this girl begins to feel unfairly over-rewarded for not doing the right thing and buying this slice of brilliance.

1. M.I.A. - Arular
Love at first goddamn Galang, that's what happened with Maya and me. Then came Diplo and he just made her sweeter. Bucky done good. I may have retired this hard-workingconstant from contant rotation a while ago but I still hear the tracks when I go out and I still don't roll my eyes and say "yesterday's news". I just DANCE.

ESPESHYULL MENTIONS

DJ Rupture - Special Gunpowder
The only reason this isn't up in the list is because I JUST heard it a couple of weeks ago and I think it was released in 04. This album is phenomenal and I expect much goodness from him in the next year. The first track will make you wine and grind the first piece of person/furniture/pet in sight.

Vitalic - OK Cowboy
Just for the heck of it, even though the pre-released material on this album kinda bummed me out (entirely my fault for having listed to it WAY TOO MUCH) I have nothing but love for these dudes. At the end of the day, this I can surely say about 'Ok Cowboy', AT LEAST IT ISN'T 'HUMAN AFTER ALL'.

But I want MORE hollerdays!

2006-01-04T16:57:00.000-05:00

And we'll be right back after these messages
Fellas grab your nutsacs, chicks squeeze your breastesses

Christmas weekend turned into New Years and now I am up to my elbows in work. Usual banter will hopefully resume tomorrow (fashionably late album list, blog pound additions, all kinds of pictures). Here's a treat for your eyes until then...Some phenomenal shots of Hong Kong architecture by Michael Wolf.

Sexmas in the Rat

2005-12-23T12:58:00.000-05:00

The holidays are here and I am positively beat. Since the October long weekend I have had been solidifying my routine of working an average of 43 hours a week, spending 15 hours a week traveling/reading/listening to tunes (that's how I manage to consume so many books and albums) and just sticking it to the man every weekend. I had the dreaded review this morning and it went great, heard some very very good news. This long weekend will be my first holiday and I am looking forward to it like a bebe to a teat. Exactly like a bebe to a teat. The teat being Cee Pee's home in Stratford (known as The Rat). Rajbo and myself are going down to hang and it will be my first Acadian-German-Canadian traditional Christmas. Yay!

We leave tomorrow morning on the VIA train. Best not go on strike fuckers, mama needs a vacation. No blogging till Tuesday but I'll be back with armload of pictures of Cee Pee and his family arguing around the breakfast table in their drawers. Until then please have a look at this here doggy and take care of you and yours:

Hot in '06

2005-12-20T17:00:00.000-05:00

SEXFIGHTS

Is it fighting? Or is it sexing?

PUSHING GARBAGE

Do this earth a favour, compact that shit. P-Push it real good.

NOT DRINKING FROM CANS

Cans are weak.

SPIEWAK

Because Rajbo has one and now I want one too.

DAL

Lentils are your friend. Even at three in the morning.

YOUNG BOYS

Oh yeah, they are eager to please.

CHERUBIC DJs

Innocent looks got you shook.

[please note the drunk dancing]

PARTY CREW

Clockwise from Rajbo (lame titles may change daily): Brainy, Arty, Comedy, Sexy, and Silly. With your powers combined I am Captain Planet...I mean Party!

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

Luke's just not a farmer, he has too much of his father in him

2005-12-20T11:04:00.000-05:00

Remember that dude who was looking for a lady that would kick him in the balls for $100 an hour? Well, he wrote again a couple of weeks ago:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luke
Date: Nov 26, 2005 1:22 PM

No sex, no nudity, just an open-mind and an ability to kick a guy in the balls. That's it!!! Sounds like fun? provided up-front at all times.

If you're interested, give me a shout and I will respond as soon as possible.

Thanks, Well, now you can make serious money - $100 an hour every time. There is no catch and the money is
Luke

Ideal Person: A dominant young woman, with a bitchy attitude who knows how to treat a submissive(i.e. like dirt!).
---------------------------------------------------

That is the exact same letter as last time but his profile pictures have grown in quantity. Not only that, in every picture of "him" getting kicked in the balls the girls are wildly hot. Have a look:

So, curiosity gets the better of me and I shoot back an email:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: currylingus
Date: Dec 8, 2005 11:39 AM

For reals? Can I bring my bodyguard? Do you really let people kick your balls around for a whole hour? Or does that part just take 2 seconds? I'm curious? Am I part of a mass email campaign or do I just look like a bitch?
---------------------------------------------------

The response quite frankly came as a surprise. This is My Space we're talking about, home of the Mannimal Assahaurus who is defined by an overly generous self-image and a crude neadrathal linguistic capacity. This below reopens is actually better worded than most of the messages I get from dudes that aren't even looking for a kick in the junk:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luke
Date: Nov 26, 2005 1:22 PM
RE: RE: $100/HR. TO KICK A GUY IN THE NUTS!!! INTERESTED?(TORONTO) Body: Hi currylingus;

Thank you kindly for responding to my ad. Yes , I am very serious about doing this - in fact, I have done it for over three years.

Of course, you are welcome to bring someone along to accompany you to the session and you can even bring another participant if you wish(more details about this below). And, indeed, the entire one hour session does involve kicking. Lastly, you were selected on a more or less random basis, however, your pictures were helpful in making that decision(I will leave the question of whether I feel you look like bitch aside, since its possible that this comment will leave me in a no-win situation). However, here are some further details that will help you in making your decision.

Well, the premise of these sessions is quite simple, really. To be blunt, your main task is to kick and stomp me in the balls. That's it! In recognition of your time (anywhere from 45 to 60 minutes) and effort you will be paid $100, upfront.

Typically, the first questions participants have about this session is both when and where can such an activity take place. The former depends upon our schedule, of course, but generally I myself am free on any weekends towards the evening hours.

As to the latter question, I always aim to select a neutral venue outside where it is both safe and discreet for both parties involved. Most frequently, the location of choice is at my school's campus @ York University (Keele/Steeles) on a small baseball field that is nice and open, but without any pedestrians. So far, I've had over 10 sessions there that went very well, without any interruptions. However, if you have another suitable (safe & private) location in mind that you are more comfortable with then please let me know.

I am always open to any questions or suggestions that you may have.

Thanks,
Luke

P.S. Sometimes participants want to bring a friend along to help them out and because it makes them feel more comfortable. If you have a friend that may be interested, you may bring her along as well. If this occurs, the payment is still $100 (for both) but the session is only 30 minutes long.
---------------------------------------------------

Yesterday I recieved another email from him asking whether I was still interested. There is no way in hell I'm trekking up to Keele & Steeles to kick a dude in the nads out in the middle of a baseball field. I am however...Interested. Ladies, I'm looking at you hardest, Bird, is anyone up for a photoshoot? Can I use your pr0n dungeon for this task, Cee Pee? Is anyone willing to provide a posse while someone kicks Luke and someone takes pictures? C'mon, make your parents proud...

Press Pause Art Show

2005-12-19T17:26:00.000-05:00

Uff. Uffuffuff. I am in a wicked introspective mood and I think it may be due to subtle manic depression. Not quite Robin Williams yet, don't worry. This bit of brood has been brought to you by "Sad Songs of Kishore Kumar". Indeed, good tunes for a bad Monday. Let us glance back to happier days, like Friday.

Now I know that many of you who know me through this blog and all of you who know me through Flickr think of me mainly as an animal that parties a lot. Nothing could be further from the truth. I do however like to take pictures of my friends partying a lot while I accompany them solely for professional reasons. See, I used to live in the boonies, the stix, the suburbs, NORTH YORK. My movement from Keele & Finch to Queen West has taken over two years, mind-numbing weekends, numerous domestic brawls due to cabin fever, and a toll on my sanity. Rajbo and I have survived, we have conquered urban sprawl, a complete lack of kin relations, insane roommates, and each other. If there ever was a time to spend all weekend dancing my ass off then that time is bloody well NOW.

On that note, this past weekend was good times. Friday was the Press Pause show, they turned their living room into an art gallery. It was intense, the carpet had been ripped out and the walls were covered with awesome products of serious talent. I bought the spade:

Wish I wasn’t such a broke ass so I could have given them more support and given my walls something to call their own. The house was full and the vodkees were flowing. There was some amazing slow dancing...with people and bottles:

I didn’t get a picture of Bird getting rowdy (that happens when the dancing stops), boo, that shit was hot. I’m cultivating a Photo-Face, like Lindsey Lohag’s, so that I look the exact same in every picture like in the below picture with Seven. The look is called Tuck n Peek, thanks Cee Pee. I would also like Homesick to be present in every background.

Cee Pee, we cannot be in the same picture again for at least 2 weeks (I can't be in any more pictures, period). We look like total camera hoors. And we have the same looks on our faces every time. I watch too much America's Next Top Model, what's your excuse?

When your experience of the topic is nonexistant due to extensive time spent shmoozing and dancing, just link to others

2005-12-19T12:02:00.000-05:00

For shame, I did not watch the debates on Friday as a result of severe claustrophobia with hints of politicophobia and a need to drink alcohol to thaw my frozen body. I've been reading around for coverage and a sweet dish caught my eye this morn. Dhaavak has a healthy helping of excellent debate commentary: "He looks like that guy with pony tail who used to sell ab-strengther on late nite." Heee. No prizes for guessing who that refers to.

Holy Hot Thighs!

2005-12-16T14:53:00.000-05:00

I still haven't seen the last one, which they said would be the final one but some claim they might have lied. Just so you can get to know me better I have highlighted the two things that I most love to think about when I'm sitting in a field and chewing on a blade of grass with a far-away look in my eye:

Star Trek captains William Shatner, Patrick Stewart and Scott Bakula are set to join forces in a new movie. The trio will reportedly star in the unnamed film that will be set in the 'mirror universe', which was featured in both the Next Generation and Enterprise TV series. [Link]

This could all just be another great big lie because Shatner going back to Trek after winning an Emmy seems unlikely. A girl can sit in fields and dream though can't she?

Courtesy Digg, OH MY GOOD GOD I FEEL SO SMART WHEN I PLAY WITH THE STAR TREK LCARS INTERFACE (view full screen). If you're rolling your eyes and wanting to skip over the link then YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST FUN YOU HAVE EVER HAD. Now if you have a sweet set up or access to a hi-tech lab then load this baby on your surround-LCD screens and make your own damn movie. Jeez. The possibilities are endless. Is this what all the walls in heaven look like? I'm flying! I'm not much of a viddy game girl, can you tell?

Hold me close, Patrick, this ship's about blast off!

"Truth is not determined by majority vote"

2005-12-14T17:42:00.000-05:00

Thanks for your comments everyone. I wasn't too sure about the amount of interest in this election but seems to me like we have all got a piece and a half to say. Nice.

Vijay, thanks for taking the time and letting us know of your future plans. Your projects in India sound interesting, can we score some details perhaps? I'm looking forward to some more blogging from your end (whatever scraps you can put together are good enough!), to be fair it wasn't a Canadian political post that got me interested...your recent piece on Kashmir got me hooked. Kashmir is looked at as a brutal state of stalemate for most followers of the conflict here. Choosing to focus on an individual makes more sense to me than drawing out over-chewed arguments of India vs. Pakistan, Hindu vs. Muslim, etc. You are very right, stories like Mohammed Akram's could prove vital in spreading the word of peace (not to mention prosperity through peace). Instead, such lives and ambitions are stunted by short-sighted governments and largely ignored by the press, both within/surrounding the region in question as well as abroad.

As for Iggy...*swoon*. I appreciate his experience and his smarts especially when it comes to international politics. Since I started hearing his name and doing a bit of Googling around I have really warmed to his approach on some things. His article, last year, for the New York Times 'On Iraq' was honest and worthy of respect. Though I had very different views on the matter at the time I find our ideals becoming similar aftermath. This is about where my knowledge of all things Ignatieff ends. It doesn't surprise me that he has had a rough ride since his nomination dropped though a lot of it has been due to unnecessary controversy. Similar to Ananthan's comments, I too feel a little perturbed by his Non-resident Canadian persona. He isn't running in my riding but if he were you can be sure this is the first thing that would put me off. Basically, for him to do well in the position he would have to familiarize himself with all things Etobicoke-Lakeshore at lightning speed. This can't be easy, it takes some people *ahem* months to realize that Etobicoke has a 'coke' in it. Would one have to make a blind leap of faith to get over this unfortunate circumstance?

This is Ontario, we have award-winning rocket scientists from China and PhDs from India working at What A Bagels because they don't have any Canadian experience. Why would we have to make an exception for the Liberal party, especially for the position of MP? There is also a case for the dismal representation of women in the Liberal government. While I am not an advocate of gender quotas of any kind in Canada, I find it hard to swallow that of all the ridings out there the choice one had to be Jean Augustine's hood. I would have stepped down too if I had been offered a position as Special Advisor to my country of birth so good for her, it is our loss. Of all the Liberal-related news I have read today the sole news item concerning a woman was of Carolyn Parrish. That drama queen needs to make a hasty exit from my news.

There are many questions surrounding Ignatieff's campaign and I would love to meet him to see what he has to say...as would a few people reading this I imagine.

P.S. The title of this post has nothing to do with the post itself, it is just a great quote.

Five is Jive (Updated)

2005-12-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

One

It is cold. I wear long underwear over regular briefs. Leather boots. A hat. A scarf. Two gloves. Baby oil. Lotion. Duvet coat. Tee and sweater and denim. You think hijab is bad? I'm trying hard not to buy myself a balaclava.

Two

"Do you have a marker?"
"I'll mark them off with a blade."

Secrets was a great big success. DJs were fabulous. Cryo played DJ Assault for a while. I've never heard that shit outside someone's house. Tried to dance as much as I could while hassling people for $ at the door. MP3 informed me of his friend who needed adding to the guestlist, "He used to be in Wave, you can't miss him!". I missed him. I didn't know which member it was so kept looking for brunette or blonde, really young-looking. Anyway, he had to pay because I'm a hardass and even Wave don't get no v.i.p. love from the likes of me. Bird came and took over the door for a bit then we just left it and went to dance the rest of night away. A break battle ensued as we watched from the sidelines like gymnastics judges, "oh, terrible formation...wow, nice lines...tight spinning position...". Geeky white dude with odd outfit and stringy hair pretty much schooled everyone.

K-os walked into the bar, up to the DJ, stood, then walked to a corner away from prying eyes. Cee Pee, I know you didn't think it was such a big deal but guy, K-OS WAS AT YOUR DO. This means that your party was interesting enough for someone who told someone else who told K-os and he actually picked his fancy feet up and came over to see what all the fuss was about.

The cutest DJ I've ever seen, Chiclet, with Cee Pee. She needs to start playing electro on a regular basis and forget that trance (I can barely say the word) habitat because she's damn good and I want more.

Three

Rajbo's hot when he's bathed in eerie light.

Four

The CN Tower is my favourite place to eat lunch.

Five

Pictures are up on ze Flickr.

To the Emirates crew, your loss is as good as mine, here are a few proxy bypass sites that you can use to look at dirty things online, including Flickr...

- Poxy
- Chemikaze
- Tech Takeover
- and my personal fav if you can get past the proxy with this name, Pimp my IP

Don't let them bastards drag you down! Ahem, that would be my final message to the children for today...

Update

Folks, looks like the Shittysalat goons have blocked all above proxy bypass links. Thanks, JJ for finding one that works: anti-boredom. Here is the Google list if anyone wants to hunt for more out of the goodness of their big, fat hearts.

Bloggers like federal elections

2005-12-07T15:53:00.000-05:00

The election is neigh! The people are ready! RICK MERCER IS BLOGGING!

Michael Ignatieff is already a member of my heart's parliament but that special place will change owners real quick if Vijay Sappani ever decides to run. His blog is great, some posts are crossed at that hi-so cocktail party called IntentBlog.

Another read I've been digging due to some wicked analysis and a really cute name is Pample the Moose. It was only a few days ago that I noticed where and what the author is, a post-doc fellow in Canadian studies at Mount Allison University. Hark the marshes call from afar. HOLLA! Yes, I really hope he follows his stats back to the 'holla'.

Finally, I like Politics Watch. I lurve me an election, y'all.

Once, twice, free times a lady

2005-12-04T14:20:00.000-05:00

So, last week was a test of endurance. Not physically, because I'm dead weak other than at arm wrestling, but psychologically. Issues that I wish I could spew but cannot for fear of doocedom. Grumble grumble. This blog is half secret half open. I haven't tried to keep it secret and if certain parties (Hi Mum/Dad, I love you!) became privy to my verbiage through google then so be it. It will be a relief and I'd like to keep it that way. I'll just tell you about last week's crowning jewel instead.

Saturday night was keeping me excited all week and it did not let me down. People, if Lady Sovereign is playing in your area (especially with Ghislain Poirier) then GO. There is something nice and innocent about Sov. Jailbait! She's a little thing with a sweet face but her attitude is pure cheek. I suppose she hasn't been jaded by thousands of audiences so her rapport with the crowd is very down to earth. Between songs she chatted and guffawed with the audience, I heard "What smells? I think it's me...Pringles!", I also heard "I don't want your drink, it looks like PISS!". She also got HIT IN THE FACE WITH A CD because some dumbass thought it would be a nice present but she just shrugged that shit off like "you don't know me, I could kick your ass with one hand, bitch!". Umm, hello, would you like to be my child-bride, Sov? I'll buy you lots of fake gold and Pernod, baby.

Besides the 'tude Sov has her shit together when it comes to performing. There aren't many MCs that can claim to be just as good live as in audio. Too bad her next album will probably be bubblegum but good for her, there is $ to be made with Def Jam fo sho. I'm glad I got to see her when I did otherwise it would have been another M.I.A. fiasco (she played that ho, The Drake, on her 1st TO run and her 2nd run was impossible to score). Here's a shaky clip of Sov being amazing:

As for Ghislain Poirier, he is my new favourite shit. I had heard one of his tunes before the show but his set has got me craving. He was phenomenal at the tables. Like me, the crowd didn't look too familiar with him but he had us shaking that floor within minutes. I stalked him on My Space and found his regularly updated page, which is awesome. Not like Prince, hmph, that fucker hasn't been on in months. Anyway, his website has some really good audio, DL the Masala Mix, some sitars, some Arab drums, and a whole lotta big beats...also the Neneh Cherry - Buffalo Stance remix viddy is super. Love this cat. Cee Pee, can't you convince him to play at the lowly Queenshead? It isn't high profile but we'll make it worth his while...what with all the afro porn and cheap booze...he would be silly to resist, tabarnac!

After the show we stood around outside watching a very inebriated Claudio make new friends with random people. Some Londoner was passing around flyers to a grime show at the boat, his friend had a really cheesy boombox built into his backpack that was on full force. Wish I had one of them bags. Then we headed to The Boat for the latest installment of FUCKFACES. Good DJs, great party, stankyass venue. Yes it does really look like a boat, it also smells like a boat, like the bottom part of a boat, where there are no windows. Peectures of the night are up on trusty Flickr. The best part about the night was my sweet Rajbo's presence, it has been ages since we last danced like maniacs together.

As always, I'm already deadly excited for next weekend. Saturday at The Queenshead, Secrets...shhhhh.

Come say hello, I'll be at the door with Bird, asking for money and getting free drinks. Stellar!

And you may find yourself…getting bitched at by the RIAA

2005-12-01T15:10:00.000-05:00

The Lord Almighty, sometimes known as David Byrne, has been slapped with a warning by those heathen RIAA fools for playing more than 4 Missy tracks within a certain amount of time. From his wicked site:

… they may have confused streaming with downloading — in the same way that people often confuse downloading with file sharing. They are afraid that even if it's not downloadable somehow if a fan knows there will be 3 Missy songs at a given time they can prepare their gear and tape them. The assumption being that sale is lost.

Is there a higher licensing fee I could pay to allow me to do this? (I currently pay a statutory fee to stream this stuff.) Is there a reason a radio station can play Springsteen ‘round the clock but I can’t stream Missy Elliot? Answer: You CAN pay for this, Dave. However, you would have to license every song separately, and pay for each one too, instead of as a lump sum, as you do now.

Rot in commercial hell with your black hearts, you RIAA dementors. I would check out the Missy playlist, it’s good shit. His radio is no longer streaming so I would also give out massive wails while reading November’s menu. Cheryl Lynn, Rick James, Sheila E., Laid Back, Commodores, Indeep, both Jermaines (Jackson/Stewart), and MUTHERFECKING CAMEO to name a few.

How about another picture to show him we love him no matter what the RIAA say?

Kaaaaw Kaaaaw!

2005-11-29T19:44:00.000-05:00

I dinnae know if this is true but if all of us together could close our eyes tight and wish really bad then we might be able to cause a disturbance in the force field known as good judgment:

Former KNIGHT RIDER star DAVID HASSELHOFF is planning to release a cover of MADONNA's 1980s hit single LA ISLA BONITA. The actor, whose singing talents made him a huge star in Germany, decided to release his latest single for public consumption after being pleased with the outcome after recording it. He says, "It's the one track that gets talked about by my fans, so why not."

Giver, Hasselhoff, just giver. Could he have chosen a better tune to cover? I think not. A part of me is breathing massive sighs of relief knowing that I won't have to hear The Hasselhoff rap in the near future. You never know these days.

While we wait, panting, we can play some Wax Hoff to calm that tingling sensation.

Got Juiced

2005-11-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

Some parties were designed to kick ass.

D.R.T. boys, you pulled off a great time. The pics are up on Flickr. I didn't get to buy Man/Woman The Bartender a rose because I cheaped out, also the rose guy never came around. She was looking so fine in her cowboy man-shirt, it got me really confused. She would make a beautiful boy but she makes a damn fine girl who looks like a guy. Next time I'll work up the courage to ask her for a picture.

Someone turned the channel to Showcase, which has a deadly Friday night line up. Fridays Without Borders. I <3 Canadian cable. One of my 'cyber' My Space relations turned human. Such meetings are often akward but if done while dancing like a maniac to soft-core/reality porn docu-dramas it helps to form that special bond, ha. And so I came to meet Seven, Mr. Floss Vegas himself...LED belt buckle et all. I bet he had fun with ladies standing around pointing at his NASDAQ in awe. His tunes, Fathom's tunes were seriously good. Nice and accommodating spectrum of hip hop, bit o dancehall, dub, some MIA, Southern dirty, good shit.

Jaeger is my old-turned-new drink. 3 bucks for a shot of liquid heaven, not too shabby. Buoyed by the burning I gabbed and danced with anyone in sight. I think the Queenhead is slowly turning into my living room, I feel like I know everyone when I'm there even if I don't. Received a few compliments on the new green/dark blue striped sweater. No it isn't Fred Perry but thanks for thinking I'm worth it. H & M, people. If you stay away from the trendy shite and go with what you think looks good then you will score at H & M. Remember that. The only pic I have of me in it is the one taken after I got home, "one for the blog" I thought. So, I'm really 'sober' and 'awake' in it.

Wanted to go watch Syriana last night but ended up watching Josie and the Pussycats on the tube. Rajbo feeling very sleepy, Rajbo miss movie. Josie wasn't so bad though, I love Parker Posey. Next Saturday promises to be much more exciting, looky at the ticky:

Get your tickets at Ticketmaster if you are in TO on Dec. 3rd. I'm trying to find a Burberry jumpsuit for the occasion, giving in to my inner chav after a long battle. Does anyone know where I can find this gorgeous outfit in town?

Baby did a bad, bad thing

2005-11-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

A few months ago I was conversing with an old friend of mine, Geeta, who moved back to India (Chennai) after high school. We were discussing the pros and cons of our respective environments and Geeta had concluded that moving back home was the best decision she had ever made. In fact, it was one she could never see herself reversing even if the chance presented itself in the future. She found it strange that I would want to stay so far away from home and was convinced I was missing out. Though I spent a few years of my childhood in Canada, I never considered it to be home. Home was always Dubai and ultimately, India. Nevertheless I have never thought myself capable of living and working in India for periods longer than a year or two and nowadays I can barely imagine doing Dubai for a lifetime. I think Geeta always felt that my sense of familiarity would ultimately make me return, not to Dubai even but to India.

Geeta and I are similar in many ways, we took the same subjects in school, got similar grades, read a lot of books, like the same types of movies, and crack the same tired jokes. I don't think it is similarities that lead people to move to certain countries, cities, or neighborhoods over others. It is what is different between us that dictates our movement. Geeta is my age, has never dated, is married to a man of her mother's choosing, goes to the temple every week, doesn't drink, makes a tasty spread from scratch after work everyday, and doesn't swear, ever. She is also very happy, I might add. I feel great difficulty in explaining to her why I like it here so much especially because we have very different lifestyles. My problem becomes wording my argument delicately with as little crass and sex involved as possible. The word 'independence' keeps repeating itself and Geets is getting real good at shooting it down.

"Independent of what? Your parents? People have jobs here too you know?"

"Not my parents. Not money-wise. I'm talking social."

"What social? Like you just want to go out with guys without having to give excuses? You can do that!"

"Not that specifically, just generally, like I want to be able to know people who aren't afraid of doing things in a different way."

"I have this aunt who got divorced even though she lived in a small town and people talked but she did it, it's possible."

"Great. The fact that a divorce is enough to shake shit up is kind of proving my point. Anyway, I was talking about social policy. Perhaps some laws against treating hermaphrodites like pond-scum, for instance."

"Oh shut up, that doesn't even affect you."

"I know but I don't want to deal with a place where I or you or whoever can't do or say what they want...within reason."

"So what, gays can't get married in the U.S."

"One more reason for either of us not to move there then."

...on it went. All examples of riots, communal violence, strikes, whatever were thrown back with a feisty "but YOU have winter and darkness and no family and no diwali and so many taxes", etc. What I really wanted to say is that IT IS FUCKING OK FOR WOMEN TO HAVE BASTARD PREMARITAL FUCKING SEX AND TO DO IT AS MANY FUCKING TIMES AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE IN A GOD DAMN DAY AS LONG AS THEY ARE USING A BLESSED CONDOM, YOU HYPOCRITE FUCKS.

I was pleased to hear cries of support from my English, Pakistani, and Russian neighbors after screaming the above sentance while reading the following news:

A popular south Indian actress has been pelted with sandals, tomatoes and rotten eggs and hauled before court for telling Indian men not to expect their brides to be virgins anymore. Khushboo, a 35-year-old star of Tamil language movies, told a magazine in September there was nothing wrong with premarital sex -- as long as it was protected sex. She is now out on $100 bail, and banned from making any more public comments or giving interviews. The married mother of two is due back in court in a little over two weeks, although it remains unclear whether or not she has broken any law.

The controversy was picked up by conservative political and community groups, who staged rowdy demonstrations and filed more than two dozen defamation and public interest suits, including one accusing her of "corrupting innocence".

...she gained a tremendous following in Tamil movies as a heroine in sexy song-and-dance films. Adoring fans have built temples in her honour.

But it's not the first time she has been embroiled in a scandal in deeply conservative India. In a bid to breathe life into her Hindi film career, she once appeared on the cover of a film magazine kissing another actress -- one of India's first public shots of women kissing.

The way to a righteous life...watch the nasty, throw much-needed food at people when they actually talk about what they see, then wail about lost innocence. Wankers.

Kissing Hank's Ass

2005-11-23T15:39:00.000-05:00

Here's an interesting allegory...

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

READ THE REST

'Reverend' James Huber, the author, sounds like all my IIT uncles (aww, I miss the uncles and their tipsy "can computers revolt?" conversations):

Q: How can you be absolutely certain there is no God?

A: I don't need to be absolutely certain there is no God to be an atheist, I just have to be reasonably certain that when people pray that I get hit by lightning, they're really just talking to themselves.

Drink Rebel Tallboys

2005-11-22T16:13:00.000-05:00

The dirts over at DRT are getting people to rally:

Tell those Damn Randy Tarts how much you hate them at the soiree this weekend:

If you are a robot-thing with no feelings or if you have a lump of coal growing on your forehead and you do not want to join the Party Crew this Friday then don't worry, friend. Cheer up. Those Dirty Rotten Thugs have thought of every excuse and are willing to provide you with another shot at connecting with young, gorgeous, upwardly mobile hooligans like this guy:

PARTY # 2

Come out to watch the Dusty Rubber Tires try their hand at making lady-friends...

Come out to watch Cee Pee and Homesick hug it out...

Come out to hear Fathom play sick tunes...

Come out to watch the Party Crew dance...

Come out to watch me buy Man/Woman The Bartender a flashing rose...

Mama always knows best

2005-11-18T15:29:00.000-05:00

My mummy said I could do anything I wanted when I grew up, as long as I worked hard. Too bad I didn't understand 'work hard' to mean 'get off your ass and do something QUICK'. My dream is now someone else's reality:

Calling Deuce Bigalow and gigolos everywhere: Heidi Fleiss needs you. The former Hollywood madam plans to open a "rooster ranch" - a brothel catering to women - in Nevada.
"I am opening up a stud farm," Ms Fleiss told the Associated Press. "I'm going to have the sexiest men on earth. Women are going to love it."

Link

Dammit, Heidi, you have to ruin everything don't you? With your big budget and fancy ranch and notorious celebrity status. What about us little people? Mostly me, with my big dream (mine is way bigger than yours) and no budget and only four he-hos (I mean, escorts) on the roster. You sneak, these words fell from my own mouth, how they reached your pointy ears I will never know:

"Women are more independent these days," said Ms Fleiss. "They make more money and it's hard to meet people. You wouldn't believe the number of women who've told me, 'Heidi, if you do this, I'll be the first one in line'. I mean, relationships are harder than dieting - you know what I mean?"

Since wishing ill fortune on others isn't my thing I'll give you one piece of advice, ditch the douchebag partner. Mr. Richards is clearly not well-versed with the term 'independent' and its relation to women:

Mr Richards said: "Say a guy gets into an argument with his wife. What does he do? Lot of times, he goes out, gets a drink, goes to a place to be serviced. Now, women can say, 'Hey, if you can do it, I can, too'."

Oy yoy. Ten bucks says he isn't married. So, Heidi, I'm not doing anything too hectic for the next little bit, hook a sista up (like in the old days)!

Cee Pee, Homesick, Fraiser, Ringo...we have work to do. Get polishing on your cooking, dancing, and sensual massage skills. I'll take a walk around the block to see if any rich, lonely ladies need a date. You can use my living room until we find a nice ranch.

iPoop

2005-11-17T15:27:00.000-05:00

Via Digg.

Note: I'm super glad to see Digg getting the hype it deserves. What a great site. Stop reading all that celeb garbage and go visit...

Now for the real story, an EVEN SMALLER iPOD in the works for January, oh JOY. "We are hearing of an even smaller form factor (smaller than a pack of gum) and the potential for the re-introduction of multiple colors".

Wow guy, you mean it could look as neat as this with an added option of granny pastels????

Mac, dude, I'm falling over with expectation. You are lying! No way! You be buzzin' cuzzin', this has never been done before. Can I bow before your pioneering essence? Fuck, pink and blue and green and yellow and white and...what will I choose? It gets better, right? I know you, Mac, you like to take it all the way! This puppy will be everything, vibrator, blender, child, plant, sneaker, push-up bra, the list goes on. Once it is mine I will be able to breathe in relief knowing that nothing could ever be smaller or cooler or more versitile than my little piece of heaven. Sigh.

The only thing I dislike more than a monopoly is a trendy monopoly.

Digital Cable

2005-11-15T16:53:00.000-05:00

I spent all weekend faffing about on the tee vee, taking a break from everything, eating crisps and popcorn, and smoking large urns of opium. One of these action items is false. Anyway, just so you know, the National Geographic channel is the best channel in this rude universe. Runners up include BET, Much Vibe and the Independent Film Channel. Party Crew, save me from myself next weekend will ya? Or else I'll end up watching something like this again:

For Mr. E. Dumb, if you look closely you'll see an outline of my left foot. :-)

Beer and Morrissey, life just got better

2005-11-15T16:05:00.000-05:00

To all my soggy wet peoples in the T. Drizzles, have I got a handy helper for yoose. In our urban jungle there lies a network of machines that we know as 'The Booze Machines'. How many of them are there? What do they sell? ARE ANY OPEN RIGHT NOW? These age-old questions of yours are being answered in real time by The Beer Hunter. Google Maps + Beer Store/LCBO/Wine Rack/breweries + store timings = a most powerful application. Go now, thank me later...in booze please.

(via Paved)

Now for some visual goodness from a brilliant flickr set, invading Mozbots:

I want the one I can't have...it all makes sense now...

A really good hair day

2005-11-13T13:23:00.000-05:00

This would never work on Friendster

2005-11-11T15:42:00.000-05:00

Here's one award I never want to win: The 1st Annuanl My Space Stupid Haircut Awards. Some real love went into that post, fak, they all have their own Marvel Alter-egos too!

I want to slap this winner really hard:

xmatthewx. "Secret Weapon: Dual-action straightening iron"

I want to give this one a really big hug:

antoinette. "Stylist: Jack Osbourne"

Finally, I'm going to bear this man's legacy:

ugly. "Superpowers: Ability to ROCK. Ability to select startlingly appropriate My Space nicknames for himself."

Happy weekend...

Hip-hop has an "official" snack

2005-11-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

Rap chips are amazing but at $10 a bag I'm not fighting for an order. BBQ is a common theme.

Now we're sharing the same dream

2005-11-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

Everyone wonders about Turks and Caicos at least once in their lives. For Canadians the curiosity usually strikes about once a year when some politician decides to shoot for the stars on a Caribbean whim. Turks and Caicos are a set of islands under the British crown. Canada has wanted to tap that tropical azz for some time now but the 20, 000 total population just isn't enough to make a new province, only a territory. Turks and Caicos have been approached by Nova Scotia and New Foundland & Labrador to join either province. Of course, the agenda is not pursued nearly as often as I would like.

After reading the following you too will want to burn a bank for our TurkCacian (??) brethren:

- they have to pay for healthcare

- use the U.S. dollar as national currency

- have no local t.v. channel, no CBC

Why should you fight this good fight? From the CBC:

- Agreeable weather: 350 days per year of sunshine; average temperature: June-October 29-32 C; November-May 27-29 C

- No passports required for Canadian citizens

- Air Canada offers direct flights

- Could be first island home to an NHL team [think Cool Runnings but with hockey!]

Aaaaand the islands are perfectly positioned as a port for South American narcotics making their way to the States. Sweet!

The Lie-berals should really consider running on the merit of such an annexation. I vote for them, they hide their future stolen goods in the Caribbean, TurkCacians get Canadian passports, everyone is very very happy. Here is my proposal for their new campaign ad:

Engage!

2005-11-08T16:58:00.000-05:00

Do you feel left out three months of the year (oct, nov, dec)?
Does Santa give you no love because of your pagan beliefs?
Are you a bad girl/boy?
Is Christmas marketing doing your head in already?
Does the word 'Xmas' make you vomit?
Are you a Canadian who dreams of something else, something in between 10/31 and 12/25 to get all excited about?

ME TOO!

BlogTO has just the right potion for our woes.

What we need is another holiday at the end of November, to act as a buffer. The Americans have Thanksgiving, so the malls can be full of Puritans and turkeys long after Santa’s village gets put up in Sherway Gardens.

So let’s make up a totally commercial holiday. Let’s make every November 30 Star Trek Day. A regular Trek bacchanalia.

Why the hell not? William Shatner’s from Montreal, graduated from McGill, and got is start at the Stratford Festival. Nathan Phillips Square made a brief appearance on a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode. It’s more Canadian than Thanksgiving, anyway.

Everybody can put on Spock ears, make pilgrimages to Vulcan, Alberta, and then Do. Their. Worst. Shatner. Impression! The only fat guy in a red suit will be Scotty. And all the Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, etc., etc., fans can put on their silly costumes, too.

Tis the season to be Geordi. Ahem.

These lumps were made for burstin'

2005-11-08T11:35:00.000-05:00

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not talent, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal...or the Black Eyed Peas:

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it

Now what in pop's good name does that sound like? A disease, right? A festering goitre, true? NOT something I want to touch. This tune is really disturbing, lumps are not hot and Fergie singing about her lumps is making me lose my breakfast. Lumps make me think of horrible things, cancerous things. Lumps are not an ass, an ass is an ass, a lump is a tissue growth. My ass is not a lump, it is an ass, if you blink you will not miss it, promise. Hide your lump, Fergie, my ass could kick its puny mound back to your home planet with half a jatka ('hip thrust').

Crunk Juice in Pimp Cups

2005-11-07T12:28:00.000-05:00

Living downtown is a mad party. This weekend was Homesick's last, he will be missed in person but will live on in all his Euro glory on My Space. Went to a party at Adrift on Friday at Cee Pee's enticing request. I don't skate, I ain't 16 either so there was a bit of open-mouthed staring on my part at some of the young 'uns. However, a lot of new people were met (hollas to Mr. & Mrs. Jenner and Ben). Funny how the ice-breakers usually went something like, "Sooo, I saw you on My Space!".

There was cheap beer. Cheap as in 3 bucks and cheap as in 'Wildcat', apparently also known as 'Kitty'. Meow, tastes like cat pee. DJ happened to be the same Pornoween one, he was tearing things up. Played the Britney vs. Mike Jones mash up that made Cee Pee and I squeal like bebes. Topped off with a bit of New Order, ROD "OF COURSE I think you're sexy" STEWART, what else, some 2 Live Crew? Yesh. And many many more hits of years gone by. This is the part where I should be urging you to buy the cd but sadly there isn't one.

Saturday was spent doing a bit of shopping with Rajbo and then brunch in Kensington at this really neat little cafe. I don't remember the name but damn they served up spicy achari taters with my 2 eggs (scrams) & toast. I also spotted an odd plain paratha with scrambled eggs and mango chutney-on-top combo that looked too strange to be appetizing. Crazy hippies.

Later that night I made my way to V.I.P., Clay Rochemont's first solo showing of his amazing work at tattoo parlour-turned-gallery, Bobby Five. Met up with the "crew" or "4 people who don't make a whole crew!". WE GOT PIMP CUPS FOR OUR CRUNK JUICE that were made by the artist hisself. That is more V.I.P. style than I could ever have wished for. Inquiring Mind's recap has a snap of Cee Pee and Bird (that I can't steal) and pictures of the art. Vinyl on plastic never looked so fine. Canon sez,"Young lady, you are GROUNDED!":

So long, Homesick, happy travels:

Other than the weekend meandering I've mostly been reading and listening to tunes in my free time (i.e. when I commute). A list of the things I have consumed or am consuming has magically appeared in the sidebar for our benefit. According to All Consuming I have pillaged 4 books and plundered 8 albums and 1 measly flick. This means I've got a whole bunch of reviewing to do on here, I'm thinking of starting with the tunes. LCD Soundsytem and The Juan Maclean are playing this Friday and a totally tubular person might be able to get us on guestlist, woohoo! Fingers crossed and all.

P.S. I only drink out of the Pimp Cup now.

Umm...Thanks again Flickr!

2005-11-04T16:22:00.000-05:00

DSCN0846_1
Originally uploaded by Brian Sawyer.

We have serious bitchues

2005-11-03T11:36:00.000-05:00

The Gomery Report. Kill me now before I chew my fingers off in frustration. We have been waiting for over a year for a conclusion and now its arrival is making me angry. The end to a story about a gentle nation, a restless province, corrupted power, and taxpayer’s money. All the right ingredients for disaster.

The sponsorship program was set up after a referendum on Quebec separation, which just barely failed, to boost the cause of Canadian federalism in Quebec. A few Quebec advertising firms received richa$$ federal contracts (eg. kazillions for placing a 2-inch maple leaf on a race car) and then kicked some of the cash back to the Liberal Party’s Quebec wing.

Notice some repetition in the above paragraph? Take into consideration that this is a scandal consuming the entire nation. What is freaky about the above paragraph? Think geography, entire country vs. parts of the country. Quebec. What has Quebec fallen prey to? What kind of unreasonable provincial government says, “Hey you, give me my own country but I’ll keep your currency and I’m keepin’ them Indian lands even though they don't want to stay”! Quebec. What kind of pansy federal government says, “ok, here's the pre-nup now let's vote”! The Liberal government.

The Gomery Report is the logical conclusion to a holy mess that began with cries of Quebec sovereignty. At its conception, Ad Scam was a national scandal as much as my student loan is everyone’s problem.

The referendum was not for Alberta. The separatist cronies are not from B.C. The Mafioso running the scene behind the scene is not based in goddamn Saskatchewan. The only thing national about the referendum aftermath is money. Money from national coffers.

Leave Quebec aside, what happened after the vote did not need any separatist sentiment as fuel. The Liberals failed at negotiations before the referendum and they failed to do absolutely anything about activities of their shady representatives in Quebec. How does a Canadian government manage to detonate scandal in such a fragile zone? I will tell you, they use incredible powers of idiocy to hire mob goons and put them in charge of oodles of money! Ok, so I have no hard evidence supporting the mob claims but one of the key players, Gagliano, was written up in a New York newspaper as being affiliated with an American crime family. I do not have any reason to doubt it. Did you see him on the witness stand? HE IS A GOON. Babies screamed across the land when his testimony was televised! Just read the who’s who in the G & M, reads like those character lists in every Perry Mason novel, but with fewer ‘good guys’.

Shee-it. Sad part is that I can finally relate to French-Canadians wanting to be rid of the Liberals. However their votes are going to go towards the the Bloc Quebecois and those fools are just biding their time until the next referendum. The asinine Bloc does not even have an English version of their website even though EVERY SINGLY FEDERAL SITE IS WRITTEN IN BOTH ENGLIGH AND FRENCH. Petty petty petty. Way to have “Respect for the Rights of the English-speaking Community”. I just do not get it. Quebec is still a part of Canada but I cannot work there because I do not speak any French. If I wanted to go to university there, I would have to pay more than a Quebec resident. I would not be able to get on a Quebec health plan even if I was going to live there for a few years. Does that not sound sovereign enough? Tabarnac!

The rest of the country is forced to either tell Quebec to fuck right off or give them more treats. The media and the Liberals look like they are going to stick with the latter option. I fear it will not work this time. Worst-case scenario would mean another referendum and this time that shit is going to pass. My imagination does not even extend beyond that point.

As much as I loathe the Conservatives for their backward and intolerant social policies, I have to say they have a damn good chance at winning next year’s federal election. How sickening. Sure, his government will probably take a tougher line on Quebec but ‘Prime Minister Harper’, just the name makes me want to go into deep slumber. In addition, for the sake of clarity, you feeble Liberal government, Canada is about much more than Quebec. How unsettling to see it being reduced to this one argument every few years. Word to the separatists who are still harping about their "New France" roots: They gave your asses up in 1763 to the Brits in favor of sunny beaches and sugarcane in Guadalupe. I wonder how much sovereignty the Bloc could handle if it was based on a condition of self-government for Nunavik?

So there you have it. It all began with and will end with, Quebec. Where the depaneurs sell beer till late, the poutine is extra greasy, the people are supremely styling, the feel is old world, the clubs are killer, the Hells Angels still run things, the Lebanese population makes me feel at home, the accents are awesome, the skiing is better than Ontario, and the politicians feed on sovereignty like pickpockets on a morning-rush bus. Quebecois, you lovely, warm and exuberant people, your names have been dragged through the mud, your politicians have been gutted by the mob and all of our minds have been poisoned by politics.

Happy (Leopard print) Diwali!

2005-11-01T15:03:00.000-05:00

A Blessing

The Mother's heart, the hero's will,
The softest flowers' sweetest feel;
The charm and force that ever sway
The altar-fire's flaming play;
The strength that leads, in love obeys;
Far-reaching dreams, and patient ways,
Eternal faith in Self, in all,
The light Divine in great, in small;
All these and more than I could see,
Today may "Mother" grant to thee!

- Swami Vivekananda

*sigh* Grant me this, I WANNA GO HOME!

A Ninja, his Concubine, Rocky, Tenderbot and Cobra Kai walk into a bar...

2005-10-31T16:43:00.000-05:00

I woke up an hour earlier than I was supposed to this morning. Don't wear a watch and I forgot to set my phone so my eyes are really having trouble staying open. Got a wild Halloween story for you though. There was a party being hosted at the Metro Cinema on Saturday. The Metro is Toronto's ONLY adult theatre and is closing down soon. The event was titled 'Pornoween' so OF COURSE I was excited. There were a few bands playing and a couple of DJs spinning on the bill. I was going to skip on the costume and stick a sign on my back that read "EXOTIC" (thanks, CeePee!) but I managed to put together another type of politically incorrect costume disaster. Walked into a fabric store that just happened to be selling "Chinese Girl" wigs and Japanese kimonos et viola, a costume was born. Rajbo found a Ninja headpiece, he was Nerdy Ninja or Habibi Hussaina depending on cloth placement.

The thing with last minute costumes is you have to mould the vocab to the costume. I started with Concubine, then Geisha, then Ninja Concubine, and finally I became 'Just Asia'. Not that anyone at the Metro really minded. What a dump. I've never been that aware of unsanitary conditions in my life. Not at Rose Motel in Long Beach, not at the hole-in-ground latrine on the Bombay - Pune highway, not even at that time we tried to go a week without showering...remember Seera? Not even then. Shit. But the lights were off so at least we couldn't see the stains, yes the seats were still in and we had to sit on them. At least we found 'Mario Lemeuix' and at least he sold us booze illegally and at least the DJ was better than any I've heard in this city for a long long time. He didn't last long, the bands kept coming, we actually left five minutes after making our first entrance. The news of booze made us return. I can't stand art-rock shite, a group of people on stage screaming into the mike is jarring and annoying, even if 'Vampyros Lesbos' is playing behind them on the big screen.

The night continued onto the bar next door where those jaded with the Metro party were taking refuge. Lots of good tunes from way back which means there was dancing. Then onto some other place that I can't even remember. But I do remember the very sweet Ebony giving us drinks and reimbursing cover money because she is amazing and ethnically ambiguous like myself. I was asked if I was Greek that night. I was also asked if I was Eastern European. I was wearing pale-face in a fucking kimono. Yes, drunk girl, I AM Euro. Whiter than white for a night, look how pale and unhealthy I look:

At least I got treated with respect. Ok, just kidding. Have a look at the flickr madness. Here are two of the best pictures taken that night.

One

Two

T-T-T-T-Touge Patrol

2005-10-27T16:44:00.000-04:00

The best tee shirt I have ever owned. Made by Seera with her own sweet piano-playing fingers.

'Touge' is the Newfie word for 'tool' or something along those lines. 'Touge' is also a deadly Japanese form of racing but Seera is ever-so-slightly more Newfie than Japanese so I'll stick to the first definition. Patrollin' for touges, yup, touges better watch themselves.

Thanks Seera, I'm wearing it to tatters!

"Silly girl, silver girl, draw the mirror toward you"

2005-10-26T15:03:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged like a badmash by Jay to divulge highly classified information about myself. Lo and behold the Neha you think you knew but really had no clue:

7 things I want to do before I die

1. Go trekking in Iceland

2. Write enough GOOD poems to fill a book, then get it published, GOOD poem count to date = 0. WHEN they are written they will surely be an inspirational mix of Philip Larkin and Ogden Nash

3. Get freak deaky at high altitude (think mountain range instead of airplane)

4. Visit Kerala (practice some more #3 but in the backwaters while waiting for my toran, avial, stew & rasam dinner after which I will smoke some fine Indian herb with my toddy)

5. Experience weightlessness

6. Play a gig with a band (I'm in a 'band', now we just need a gig...and some songs)

7. Last but most dear to me, when the time comes, I want to have the strength to care for my parents the way they did for me.

7 things I can do

1. Attain the lotus posture , cross my arms behind my back and grab my toes in two seconds flat. I have bendy joints.

2. Find out intimate details of a stranger's life and thoughts, in an average meet/greet session, without having to reveal anything
other than my name. CSIS, call me!

3. Remember every face I have met or even seen on the street/the net/in print and have paid a milliseconds worth of attention to. Not as in, "Wow, Neha, sharp memory!" but as in, "Neha, are you some kind of mutant freak?!". CSIS, call me!

4. Kick ass at Antakshari , serious, I am unstoppable. Mind you most of the tunes I know date back to 1998 and prior, which makes for obscure entries that I invariably end up singing either by myself or with the 45+ types...but the point is...I kick ass at Antakshari.

5. Slice off the top half of my left index finger and regenerate it, nail and all. I have done this once (thanks a lot, Cutco!) and will never do it again.

6. Speak three languages (one with a funny accent), understand vocal speech in two other languages, count from one to ten in Malayalam and Arabic, sing one verse of a lovely tune in perfect Mandarin.

7. Make anyone crack a smile or at least make anyone's jaw drop with my potty mouth and filthy mind.

7 things I cannot do

1. Eat eggplant
2. Drink Sambuca
3. Feign interest...at least not very well
4. Play an instrument, not even the spoons, maybe the washboard
5. Deprive myself of salt
6. Go to bed without reading
7. I am most ashamed to admit that I absolutely cannot stop picturing people naked

7 things that attract me to another person

1. Large cranium
2. Wicked wit
3. Need to keep in motion (cars, bikes, boats, rickshaws, whatever)
4. Brilliance in written speech (preferably in the form of a book but a blog or journal will do :-P)
5. Thorough and unabashed understanding of one's own body
5.5 Unbiased views on human sexuality
6. Open-mindedness in affairs concerning faith
7. An inquisitive nature

7 things I say most often

1. Cool
2. Really?
3. Haa (that's 'Hi' in a Texan twang)
4. Thank you
5. Kam aaan (mostly when watching hockey)
6. O-ho!
7. Babu

7 people I want to do ~~this~~...just kidding...this

1. Seera
2. Cee Pee
3. Champa
4. Tammy
5. Paresh
6. Raju
7. JJ

Ooooo, kam aaan, do it. Bare your souls. It isn't as easy as it looks and now that the deed is done I'm filled with melancholic wonder at all the things I haven't done. The good part is that this only serves as inspiration.

P.S. The internet is on as of yesterday! But the stolen cable got cut. So now the internet will be cut in order to get digital cable and cable internet in one bundle.

This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down

2005-10-20T17:34:00.000-04:00